Removing the Amour

Every day was a battle…covering myself from head to toe…

Medium weight armor is best for the movements of the limbs, but I never like to do anything half-heartedly…so I chose the heavier armor to protect my vital organs…my heart being the most vulnerable…

Every day was a battle…I slowly covered myself from head to toe…a defense after traumatic past events…insulating from unwanted attention…food soothing guilt, shame, as anesthesia, as self-punishment, soothing medicine, comfort, protection, and a way to stuff rage that was not safe to express…

The “double whammy” being that an HSP …I was unknowingly and unconsciously absorbing not only my own emotional pain but the mental energy, emotional energy, physical pain and sensations in other people’s bodies, environmental energy, and world collective energy …

Depression, anxiety, anger, confusion, and pain each creating a piece of armor…and it is heavy…

I am a survivor…no longer a victim…in a safe place…I removed almost fifty pieces/pounds…and then I just stopped and couldn’t climb any further up this mountain…I just sat down and no matter what I did or tried I did not find my momentum…whether it was a dietician or weight loss programs…there is still heavy baggage that must be released to be free…

Still working on the causes…whether it’s unmeet emotional needs from my childhood…fear of change or any other emotional issue…but I must start where I am at…and I started the climb again one foot in front of the other…one day at a time…sometimes it is a minute at a time…or an hour at a time…looking forward…focusing on the habits and processes that I know work for me…since on the fifth of this month…I released/let go 4.5 pounds more of heaviness…

“On your darkest days do not try to see the end of the tunnel by looking far ahead. Focus only on where you are right now. Then carefully take one step at a time, by placing just one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you will turn that corner.”
― Anthon St. Maarten

Leather Armor Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Removing the armor…one piece at a time

Removing the armor means releasing the trapped dark and dense lower emotional energy of the past…balancing in my body, as well as my soul and spirit…to release and be filled with love, joy, and peace…

It is the starting that always seems the most difficult…but then there is the continuing…and the finishing too…that’s why laser focus on the next step in front of you is a critical component in anything…for me, it is my saving grace at the moment…

I have been working on this blog for three days and keep getting stuck


The habits that I have been creating are 1) Logging everything that goes in the mouth. 2) reporting daily to my friend MP, who is my police officer. 3) Walking and Cardio 5,000 min – 10,000. 4) No white stuff ….and

5) No alcohol

you got to be kidding me

…now don’t get the idea that I drink a lot…but (1) glass of wine before dinner to sit and talk/relax with Mr. P was our sweet routine…and now I felt really left out…when Mr. P’s friend was here, they would enjoy their evening “tot” of whiskey…not a fun way to start…but I was determined…

There is always a solution…always…it might be difficult to find…but keep on searching…A little sparkling water, a little diet sprite, a smidgeon of grapefruit juice and a lemon slice in a nice glass…problem solved

Unfortunately…being an HSP…(a sensitive) includes what I eat and drink…and with these simple (and sometimes not so simple changes) my Resting Heart Rate dropped 10 points…

This is what loving myself looks like…which is another topic for a blog post…I don’t have a great amount of experience with accepting myself…and loving who I am was an impossibility…but it is said you’re never too old to learn…

Loving was only something that was allocated for someone else…walking the extra mile…giving the coat off your back…self-care and self-love was a non-entity in my life…a friend of mine once asked me, “Don’t you think you deserve better?”…should have been a clue…

Quote by Charlie Chaplin…

“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”

Till next time…may your life be filled with much love, laughter and magic…❣

Author: Renée E.

Storytelling Photographer and Fine Art Conceptional Artist...Creating magic from the ordinary

2 thoughts on “Removing the Amour”

  1. Great on your for choosing not to drink. I myself decided to cut down on my drinking, and haven’t touched a drop for about half a year. Wishing you all the best no matter what you do. And happy new year in advance!


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