There is excitement in the adventure that I am taking…I will embrace the excitement and will accept the challenges…
I have struggled over the years…especially the last two years…after an initial weight loss of forty-five pounds…Age plays a role…but that does not mean this is impossible…this mountain I am climbing…difficult…probably…but not impossible…some days, and even weeks lately…it has felt unconquerable…
A 15,00000000-foot mountain and just lacing up the boots…yet, that is where everyone starts…every celebrated author, sports hero, actor, and each everyday person who accomplishes their dream…
Asking for Help
I HATE asking for help…absolutely, empathically hate asking…a weakness…feeling that I should be intelligent enough to figure things out on my own…never wanting to be inadequate, incompetent, or needy…never trusting or being vulnerable…Vulnerability being the key word…the fear of being judged as less than “perfect” in a society that bows at the feet of magnificent faultlessness …
…Still in class in the school of being “human”… I am learning that asking for help requires courage and a willingness to be transparent…and after struggling for the last few years to become healthier by losing more weight…I asked for the dreaded, yet necessary support I need…
Scratching and clawing with every ounce of strength I had…until I would cry in frustration with the feeling of hopelessness…not getting anywhere but sliding backwards… further back down the mountain…
Don’t really know why the change after the initial loss…but nothing worked…not Keto (except to make my heart rate increase skywards) not tracking…not exercising…and…and…except to say that I couldn’t seem to stay consistent in anything…
I had tried a nutritionist over a year ago…didn’t really work for me because it wasn’t about my particular (and peculiar American tastes in the South African world) likes or dislikes…trying to push a liquid diet…stopped going after 2 meetings…
Concerned that my age was going to make the hike up the mountain to be an impossible task…either because I am donkey stubborn or not quite ready to give up and sit in a rocking chair…I acquiesced and tried another dietician…like “chalk and cheese” as Mr. P is prone to say😊…
I am so glad that I was willing to try again…I left with such a feeling of effervescent, lighthearted bubbly hope…I had forgotten what it felt like…she listened to me…she asked a lot of questions about my preferences and motivations… We developed goals that were acceptable…
That was yesterday…it will be a couple of days before she sends me the plan that she is making custom for my preferences and lifestyle…I can’t wait to get started with more concrete directives…
This will give me the flexibility for my “free spirit” not to feel stifled…
Moral:
Much love, laughter and magic for your day…you are brave❣
Threads of Thought 