Category: #ADHD

No Magic Spell🎇

What???????? No magic spell to cure ADHD and erase all the distractibility, and impulsivity that it drags along with this neurodevelopmental disorder. No wizardry that will ease the additional challenges that ADHD brings to the task of losing weight …

Self-regulation mechanisms – the deficits of self-regulation of attention, self-regulation of emotion, and the short-term memory are demons that I have struggled with …although now they are no longer phantom ghosts, I must now come to an acceptance of their reality for me, and find ways to banish them or at least keep them at bay …

They are like the sirens of old …singing the enticing music of beckoning carbohydrates …wrong signals about what is ‘right’ …the same deficit of impulse control that causes me to struggle with in interrupting conversations, making it more challenging to not respond to stress by stuffing myself with that wonderful dopamine feeling that is released with the sugary carby food that I crave in that moment …

I have hated myself for years …because I ‘knew’ what I needed to do …and sometimes for periods of time, I might have been able to contain the overwhelming desires …mostly through sheer willpower and situations that were supportive unbeknownst to me …but then the virtuoso’s that played the music in my brain, regained control …

I had come to have no faith or believe in myself …hate and self-loathing created such havoc …seas of despair ravaged my shores for decades …understanding the arduous tasks that must jealously guarded, give me the advantage of envisioning a possibility of reaching the shore of a healthy life…aka my the mountain top …so microscopic, yet it is there… but then I have lived my life in the embers of hope …my angels working overtime to keep the small fire burning in the midst of the gales of hopelessness that constantly blew across the landscape of my mind …

I have not come to terms with the diagnosis fully …I do not yet see the blessing or the positive aspects of having a non-neurotypical brain …it will take time to learn to love myself …A misogynistic father, a restrictive controlling cult and all my life challenges did not serve to plant the seed of self-love …I am not a victim to that anymore, and I will overcome this challenge, as I have others …

🤔 I have started researching the best way forward from where I am currently standing …just general scientific knowledge has shown the direct correlation between the fuel we put into our bodies and how the engine (brain) functions …the incorrect or substandard (Western type diet) will cause the circuits to misfire …

There are important ‘rules’ for me that I have found by testing and searching for the magic bullet with weight loss, which assist with my mental health …

  • Avoiding artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives in processed foods
  • Eliminating refined sugars. Who is surprised with that one😂The annoying refined sugar bugs impair brain function and really exacerbates my mood disorders …
  • Take Magnesium, B6, Vitamin D and Omega 3 (are helpful to me)
  • Morning Exercise. 30 minutes of an aerobic exercise that increases the dopamine to get me going in the right direction
  • IF 16 hours (intermittent Fasting). I don’t have to worry about what to eat or when to eat. I do always need to be mindful, to eat after that, because if I get too hungry, all impulse control goes out the window.
  • Support to keep me focused and on track. I recently enlisted a new trainer that is super supportive and understands where I am at …is gentle, yet still pushes me to go the distance. Being responsible to someone, other than my husband, is also a a supplement to the process
  • My ADHD medicine is necessary, along with support of a therapist that understands the struggle …

I had the ‘please, let me just die’ flu last week, so that did help with beginning the process of changing my eating. This week, I am focusing on creating exercise habits …it is more sustainable for me to start one habit at a time …

Routine is my secret weapon, it assists me with a sense of the time of day, as well as the day of the week, not to mention my goals and priorities. I don’t need to stress about what I need to do, when I need to do it …as much as I detest routines being a free-spirited Aquarian, it does increase my ability to cope and stay on my meandering path … And not every day lends itself to following the routine to the dots and tittles …but it is a skeleton that is flexible … perfection being unattainable, 80/20 is a lifesaving rule

  • Monday. Weight-In. 30 minutes 8am exercise. IF Fasting till 12
  • Tuesday. Gym Training 1:30 pm. IF Fasting till 12
  • Wednesday. 30 minutes 8am. IF Fasting till 12
  • Thursday is 8am exercise. IF Fasting till 12
  • Friday. Gym Training 1:30. IF Fasting till 12
  • Saturday. 30 minutes 8am exercise. IF Fasting till 12
  • Sunday is my ‘Rest’ Day…Breakfast and a fun day with my husband💕

There are additional changes that are in the wings …for flexibility and strength training …the trainer suggested swimming exercises classes at the gym and a ‘gentle yoga’ class …currently it sounds overwhelming … yet I only need take one day at a time…

Today, Friday is my second gym day …doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment …but a rung in the ladder …a step ‘at a time’ on this long trek toward the top of the mountain … with courage I am taking each day slowly and with a deliberate focus …as much as possible with an ADHD brain 😂

“Courage wasn’t a matter of taking the whole mountain in a single massive leap. Courage was taking it one step at a time, doing what was necessary now, preparing for the next step, and refusing to worry about whether some step in the future would be the one that would break him.”

– Timothy Zahn, ‘Star Wars’.

I am documenting this journey with ADHD and weight loss at the awesome age of 60+, so if there is anyone that feels hopeless and lost in the gloomy obscurity of life…I leave a little of myself to shine✨ in the mire of despondency that we all feel burdened with at times …

“Don’t feel alone, because there is always someone out there who loves you more than you can imagine.” – Anurag Prakash Ray.

Sending love for your day … love is the magic that creates possibilities where there appears only an abyss of nothingness …Although you may not know me, and I may not have seen you in this physical world …I know you are there, and I walk beside you …may these words wrap a warmth and comforting blanket around your heart …💌

The Abyss of Despair❣

The monster Fear grabbed by hand and led me to the edge of abyss of despair …wrapping its arms around my shoulder, whispering …”there is no hope” ….”Make it easy and just give up”…”the pain will be unbearable” … “there is no way around or through” …”You have always failed, ALWAYS” ….

A recent professional diagnosis of ADD (ADHD) encouraging me to fall to my knees, one more time …some close to me denying the diagnosis …saying that it was incorrect … I do not outwardly exhibit the symptoms that people typically think of as ADHD …I appear calm and peaceful on the outside … not hyper or fidgety …feeling alone because others in my life, do not understand what it means to have to struggle every day with the inability to stay focused and the myriad other mental challenges that ride the coattail of ADD …  “It’s like being a cat with 100 people with laser pointers.” ― Jamie Hynds

“They said I could pass as normal, that I was clever and no one would ever know. They lied. Not about passing. The lie was hidden beneath, in the desire for me to be the same as them. I am extraordinary. They should have helped me soar, be more of me, not less.” ― Anna Whateley

Anna Whateley

Trying to understand myself …I recently read that ADHD can Drastically shorten a patient’s life …”ADHD can reduce life expectancy by as much as 13 years, but its risk is reversible.” https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-life-expectancy …and the darkness enveloped me …shrouding me with the coldness of hopelessness …

That’s all I could focus on … ‘Drastically shorten‘ … “and much higher in women as men” https://edgefoundation.org/does-adhd-shorten-life-expectancy Here I am… enjoying the “best” years of my life, after finding ‘my knight with only moderately dented armor’ and I am being handed a notice of eviction from life sooner than I had planned on …fear saturated every nook and corner of my mind …then I took the keys back …

“As they have taught me, I believe that without asking, we are given all we need. We must have the wit and wisdom to recognize the strengths and tools at our command, and find the courage to do what must be done.”

Dean Koontz, Life Expectancy

The second part of the quote reads, “but its risk is reversible.”… and reading further, “mainly due to accidents” …due to our distractedness and impulsive thinking …I raise my hand 😱…falling after a shower with a nerve damage from a deep shin cut, because I wasn’t paying attention,my mind far away on thoughts of a possible photographic setup …

Although my primary concern is with the health of being at optimum weight for longevity …Hallelujah!!! I understand now, why even though I always have known what I need to do to lose weight and become healthier …I have never been able stick with a program long to lose weight and then keep it off …or lose some weight and then gain it back when life became stressful …

Not only are people with ADHD wired for obesity, but also struggle with the routines that support health …😫ADHD is an executive function deficit disorder …which in laymen means that we lack (in various degrees) the mental abilities that people need to actively pursue goals …our self-regulation …our self-awareness, self-restraint, the ability to hold things in our minds (how we picture things mentally), our internal monologues, emotional self-regulation, and self-motivation, and our planning and problem solving abilities .

My brain craves dopamine (as most ADD brains do) …the neurotransmitter that impacts mood …although exercise increases dopamine …so does the bread, chips, and sugar …which is so much handier and easier to get quickly …

Symptoms like impulsivity make us more prone to give in to cravings for high-fat, high-sugar foods. And the dopamine rush we get from carbohydrates and sweets becomes addictive; it feels as if our brain needs that grilled cheese sandwich.

By ADDitude Editors, John Fleming, Ph.D., Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D.

This week, it was heart wrenching to hear again that the one person that I rely on for support had given up on my losing the weight and being healthy 💔…what is more devastating is the knowledge that there is no way to explain sufficently the difficulty that I deal with on a daily …a minute by minute struggle …when I am actively doing my absolute best to do what I know is supportive of weight loss …even more of a struggle, because I am also in an incredible stressful situation currently …

I had no idea, how much the ADHD worked against me with this goal of becoming healthier …

ADHD creates problems with self-regulation — of attention, short-term memory, and emotion—that extend to food intake. Trouble with impulse control keeps people with ADHD from thinking, “I won’t eat that because it’s not healthy, and I will regret it later.” Instead, we grab an unhealthy snack without considering if it’s a good idea or not.

The ADHD brain has low levels of two neurotransmitters: dopamine (responsible for feelings of reward) and GABA (responsible for inhibition). We crave sugar to stimulate dopamine production. This, paired with a lack of inhibitions, can set the stage for weight gain. https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-weight-loss-tips

Still, possible …just more challenging …’Diets’ are not going to work …but that’s the case for even the 90% +/- of the world’s “neurotypical” … So where do I go from here???????????

It’s going to be one beautifully, blessed day …or minute, or second at a time …even a nanosecond, if necessary … because I have not come through burning hell to lie down now …I am determined to live … I will fight for that privilege with every breath that I have … if a few more scars are incurred…I am willing to pay that price …my scars are my beauty

Always sending love, happiness, and magic for your day … for those who are struggling …please hold on and find beauty in the darkness …it is there, if you search …You are never alone …I promise❤

“My thoughts are like butterflies. They are beautiful, but they fly away.”
― Anonymous

Flying Free …

“If you want to fly in the sky, you need to leave the earth. If you want to move forward, you need to let go the past that drags you down.”

Amit Ray, World Peace: The Voice of a Mountain Bird

This is difficult writing …my diagnosis of having ADHD … I started therapy for support and tools for finding out why I could not climb the mountain of weight loss …and then suddenly, I found myself in the twilight zone … wrangling with a mixed bag of emotions that I am still untangling …

I’m 66 years old and just now finding out why I have struggled all my life is heartbreaking …Exhaustion, both mental and physical, has been a constant companion in my life…pushing hard to accomplish my goals and dreams …yet never quite attaining what I felt I could do … I would get tired and would give up for a period when I didn’t have the ‘umph” to try that day …yet, the minute ember of hope for my magnificent and heartfelt dreams would not die …

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” ~Ghandi

I mourn for all the self-hatred, self-criticism, low self-esteem …heartache for the impulsive decisions that cost me years of happiness …resentment and grief for the years that I struggled alone…sadness for lost opportunities … for thinking that I just wasn’t strong enough …a lifetime of depression …there is grieving to walk through …

Don’t recall. Don’t imagine. Don’t think. Don’t examine. Don’t control. Rest.

Tilopa

… Now there are answers and new shining possibilities … as I accept and understand what Adult ADD is, there is Hope …I’m not broken …it is a quirky, fascinating thing that’s just part of who I am; and is manageable …

“All adventures, especially into new territory, are scary” ~Sally Ride

I have only been on the medication for less than a week …and it already makes a difference in the goal of becoming healthy …before I received the diagnosis, I still had been trying to figure out why I felt mentally resistant to losing weight …and a part of the stubbornness and refusal to be consistent appeared to be from coming from the point of view of weight loss for beauty …or the common social media type of beauty …

Becoming thin for the accolades of people (in particular the male species) …for beauty only …seems to be more effective short term …and that does not work for the long-term healthy life that I want to create for my future… I am modifying my ‘why’s’ for climbing the weight loss mountain …

It takes a great deal of pressure off …it’s not about losing weight quickly for the vacation and then gaining it back again …but gradually learning new healthy habits that I can be consistent with day-in and day-out …changing how to relate to food so that it becomes an aspect of my life that I enjoy …that I don’t need to obsess about every single moment of the day …

A much easier path to take …longer and more circuitous …but the path is easier and less stressful to walk daily …for lifelong sucess, it will be the slow building of self-care habits … I started last week by Intermittent Fasting …not every day, but most days (80/20) make life more realistic …it’s been easier this week to maintain consistency …not worrying or tracking every bit of food …but learning to be conscious of what I eat …even enjoying a wonderful date night with my husband relishing wonderful flavors of well-prepared food …

Exercising began with just a 1-mile (15 minute) exercise in the morning …dog walking in the afternoon if not raining or recovering from a fall on slippery tile …last week was a definite win …not perfect, but I’m giving myself grace to not be ‘perfect’ …especially since it’s an impossibility …

I lost less than a pound …it’s ok …I moved forward toward my goal …this week is another step forward …a little more practice with consistency and just learning to function with my diagnosis …I read that ADHD can contribute to health problems such as compulsive eating, substance abuse, anxiety, chronic stress, and tension …all which causes emotional eating (in my case) …

I had lost hope of things working out the way I had dreamed (I am incredibly blessed to have my Mr. P and his loving support) …my big goals had been reduced to faint misty illusions …I had fallen into a tenacious holding pattern … just keeping my head above water, so no one knew how close to drowning I was…my dreams had kept collapsing …now there is a gleam of light through the streaky dirty window that my spirit looked onto the world with ….for me it now suddenly feels even more awesome and incredible …a beautiful journey ahead …

I have lived enough of life to know that it is not going to be all smooth sailing …but now I remember who I am … that my story is important, eternal, and sacred …I may have been taking the longer route … the sights along the way are going to be pretty incredible, now that I can see more clearly …

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “life is a journey, not a destination”

“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”

Mandy Hale

A word of Advice from a dreamer …NEVER, EVER, EVER GIVE UP! Life is challenging with its twists and turns …when you least expect it, the world will open into the most magical of places

This was a Magical Hidden Place in Hogsback, South Africa❣

“Life can be so unpredictable, always remember that!
The rain can pour down and the winds can blow hard,
sweeping away those peaceful moments you had.
It’s never the end of the world when things go wrong.
Just keep faith in yourself, keep going and stay strong.
Never give up on your dreams and never give up hope.”

― Mouloud Benzadi

Blowing magic your way with Love ❣ and Hope

%d bloggers like this: