Aging – Threads of Thought

The Privilege of Aging

Conflicted…still conflicted …but maybe less so…just a tad. Aging is a challenge for me, that keeps showing up every January 26th …to be truthful, every day that I pass a mirror and stop with surprise …wondering who that woman I see is🤣

“Every birthday is a gift. Every day is a gift.”
Aretha Franklin

The holidays are past …my guests arrived and departed this month …sick husband on the mend for a chest infection …and my own health challenges kept me from being as present here as I would have loved to have been …

Health becomes so much imperative as age demands it portion of our life …losing lean body mass (slowing down our metabolism) and bone density, if we do not make fitness a priority and a part of our daily life …

Honestly, I also ferociously deal with confronting the uncomfortableness of my aging looks …I absolutely detest the idea of being a frumpy old lady baking cookies …or sitting in a rocking chair knitting a scarf for someone …never been and never will …although that has been a hope by daughter carried for many years …

My hair has never seen more than a small sliver of grey since I saw my first one in my twenties …oh, that was a day to be rued …couldn’t change the thinning, but really cut short cuts are much cooler in the steamy hot summer months here in South Africa …no air conditioning is not a norm here and I ‘glow’ quite a bit more during the peak summer months …and that is one strange turnaround …celebrating my birthday in the freezing cold of midwestern life to a sweltering drippy humid kind of day …

Yet, I am finding that there is a relaxing to what is …microscopic but growing …and I am releasing the brittle mask that pinches and that I have held so tightly onto to try and fit into the expected societal norm …there is a gentler pace here and a more natural acceptance to life in general …when I relax and breath into the moment …shutting out the din of marketing …the unreal expectations that we see on television and all the social media outlets …

There is a quiet peace in acceptance and even a joy that bubbles up …this little ele loved blowing bubbles in his water …after all, sometimes we must create our own bubbles

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
Sophia Loren

It is difficult saying good-bye to the “good ole ‘days” …it is an emotional and difficult one …besides the loss of youthful dewy skin and unbounding energy, losses in life start to become more prevalent …learning how to accept those with loving grace is not a straightforward process for me …a best friend and confidant in the US had a stroke that she will not go home from… we sent WhatsApp messages daily updating our weight progress and pitfalls …supporting the ups and down of life …I did not feel so alone here, even though we were eight hours and 2000+ miles apart …I am still reeling with the loss …

Yet, it is a part of life the is here to stay …as friends and relatives age …I desire to make friends with loss and grieving …looking with love at the memories and love that were shared …gratitude for the life that I have lived …the scars that have healed with renewed strength … it’s time to say goodbye to the physical youth, shed some tears and then optimistically embrace our ever-evolving selves …

That is part of my evolution …gratitude and being present in the moment …living whole heartedly and with wild abandonment (but then taking a nap 😴) …I can now become the wild woman that my soul has yearned to be …embracing the opportunities that are now available …I’m not stopping, but just starting to dance in the joyful creativity that I am able to pursue …the writing (a fantasy novel carried for eons, tapping to be let out) and photography (becoming a story teller of the beautiful of our world) …

Time expands with all the technology at our fingertips …and I can accomplish in my life now what would have taken years, when I started working …Photoshop is so much cooler than cutting and pasting, messy airbrushing and retouching on a lightbox with several magnifiers …yes, I am that old …

Now it is time to continue the path to health, so my years can produce what is within my heart and mind …and I don’t travel onward to my next journey, taking with me what I was meant to share and leave here…

“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”
David Bowie

This is dedicated to my loving Mom …who I miss every day🥰 I know that she is happier where she is …

Wishing magic and “bubbles” for your day …sent with love from a fellow traveller ❣

The Mountain is Me …

Mountains are often used as metaphors of challenges that feel insurmountable and impossible to scale, as we stand at the bottom viewing the craggy and jagged edges, piecing the sky … cloaked with an insidious mist clutching, hiding the prize that we seek …

The mountain is not so much outside of myself, it is the ‘old ‘self within …the fears, the traumas, the coping mechanisms that became my tools of survival …the bedrock of my life …an obstruction that keeps me from the healthy life that I want to live …

I must become the heroine of my story. Mastering myself and in the doing, mastering the mountain that has loomed over the landscape of my life for what seems like a millennium …

The last couple of weeks have been a fascinating learning journey…after two months of one of an extremely stressful periods in my life …I felt like a failure for not being able to accomplish the desired result that I had dreamed of …I sat there staring at all the little broken in pieces of my heart …

The very day that I came back home …another punch in the gut with news that was life altering …so I just sat and cried, and cried some more …everything within me shattered …then I surrendered …there was nothing that I could do the change the outcomes …Logically, I know that as humans, we do not have control over some of life’s bumps …but I have lived a great deal of my life with the uncontrollable need to try to control situations and people in my sphere …out of the fear of lost, being alone without the capability to survive …

A stressful situation has always triggered anxiety and fear that sweet and Carby foods were able to sooth in the moment …the challenge of becoming healthier now at 60+ has many additional facets that have needed to be addressed …most so neurologically engrained that stepping out of the grooved ruts to build new pathways seemed most difficult, if not impossible …

My being stubborn does have its advantages sometimes …I have dreams and goals that have not dissipated into the midst of the grey hopelessness and depression that often surrounds me, causing me to fall off the mountain so many times … they keep tapping me on the shoulder …’you can’t give up,’ …’you have things to create,’ “people to love” …my obstinacy would raise its head and with bloody nose, broken bones, bruised knees (and my angel’s help) I would get up …to try one more time …

There are few obstacles in life that will not succumb to consistent, sustained, intelligent, positive action. When you are discouraged after you’ve failed at something, remember Edison’s 10,000 failures before he arrived at the solution that forever changed the world ~Napolean Hill

I sat several days with the breath knocked out of me …surrounded by all the broken pieces …sitting there, trying to get my breath back …I kept telling myself “breath in, breathe out,” “breath in, breath out” as I viewed each broken piece that glittered in the South African sun …strange creative thoughts arriving of what a beautiful mosaic they would make …I picked up a piece and gratitude filled my heart as I viewed the memory of that piece of myself …

I cannot tell you what magic occurred during the last two weeks …but the mountain disappeared, and a previously unseen path materialized in front of me …as I relinquished my control over what was and will be …opened my heart with gratitude for the wonder and gifts of each moment …

The path, my broken heart opened, will not be without perils, obstacles, and challenges …for that is what we call “life” …I have gathered all the broken pieces and carry them all close to my heart, in a bag embroidered with a heart❤ with gratitude…I am slowing down, taking one step at a time …embracing each moment with graciousness and peaceful thankfulness of the present moment …finding the way to my destination with less fear and apprehension …

Each extra unhealthy pound that I carry holds an old emotion, hurt, or trauma that I pushed down …to be released, I must hold them to the light of love …until they are transformed and released …the journey is one that may be arduous and painful at times …but less so, than the previous ones of scaling the mirage of that unscalable mountain that I viewed through all the years of listening to the ‘diet industry’ …

“The difference between a path and a road is not only the obvious one. A path is little more than a habit that comes with knowledge of a place. It is a sort of ritual of familiarity. As a form, it is a form of contact with a known landscape. It is not destructive. It is the perfect adaptation, through experience and familiarity, of movement to place; it obeys the natural contours; such obstacles as it meets it goes around.”
Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

Still maintaining the habits that assist me on the path, such as intermittent fasting, low intake of carbs, and less stress in my life …I had lost almost 5 pounds …Christmas Eve with my South African family and Christmas Day were bumps …a charming Christmas Eve dinner with family and a tearful ‘missing’ the traditional Christmas that I observed in the USA with my kids and family …

“Light is to darkness what love is to fear; in the presence of one the other disappears.” – Marianne Williamson

My Christmas gift to you is shining the light of love, sharing the knowledge that you are not alone in the darkness of your struggles in the tempetuous and wild storms of life …you are loved beyond your imagination …love yourself …hold yourself tight …the magic will appear …hold on my dear one❣

No Magic Spell🎇

What???????? No magic spell to cure ADHD and erase all the distractibility, and impulsivity that it drags along with this neurodevelopmental disorder. No wizardry that will ease the additional challenges that ADHD brings to the task of losing weight …

Self-regulation mechanisms – the deficits of self-regulation of attention, self-regulation of emotion, and the short-term memory are demons that I have struggled with …although now they are no longer phantom ghosts, I must now come to an acceptance of their reality for me, and find ways to banish them or at least keep them at bay …

They are like the sirens of old …singing the enticing music of beckoning carbohydrates …wrong signals about what is ‘right’ …the same deficit of impulse control that causes me to struggle with in interrupting conversations, making it more challenging to not respond to stress by stuffing myself with that wonderful dopamine feeling that is released with the sugary carby food that I crave in that moment …

I have hated myself for years …because I ‘knew’ what I needed to do …and sometimes for periods of time, I might have been able to contain the overwhelming desires …mostly through sheer willpower and situations that were supportive unbeknownst to me …but then the virtuoso’s that played the music in my brain, regained control …

I had come to have no faith or believe in myself …hate and self-loathing created such havoc …seas of despair ravaged my shores for decades …understanding the arduous tasks that must jealously guarded, give me the advantage of envisioning a possibility of reaching the shore of a healthy life…aka my the mountain top …so microscopic, yet it is there… but then I have lived my life in the embers of hope …my angels working overtime to keep the small fire burning in the midst of the gales of hopelessness that constantly blew across the landscape of my mind …

I have not come to terms with the diagnosis fully …I do not yet see the blessing or the positive aspects of having a non-neurotypical brain …it will take time to learn to love myself …A misogynistic father, a restrictive controlling cult and all my life challenges did not serve to plant the seed of self-love …I am not a victim to that anymore, and I will overcome this challenge, as I have others …

🤔 I have started researching the best way forward from where I am currently standing …just general scientific knowledge has shown the direct correlation between the fuel we put into our bodies and how the engine (brain) functions …the incorrect or substandard (Western type diet) will cause the circuits to misfire …

There are important ‘rules’ for me that I have found by testing and searching for the magic bullet with weight loss, which assist with my mental health …

Avoiding artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives in processed foods
Eliminating refined sugars. Who is surprised with that one😂The annoying refined sugar bugs impair brain function and really exacerbates my mood disorders …
Take Magnesium, B6, Vitamin D and Omega 3 (are helpful to me)
Morning Exercise. 30 minutes of an aerobic exercise that increases the dopamine to get me going in the right direction
IF 16 hours (intermittent Fasting). I don’t have to worry about what to eat or when to eat. I do always need to be mindful, to eat after that, because if I get too hungry, all impulse control goes out the window.
Support to keep me focused and on track. I recently enlisted a new trainer that is super supportive and understands where I am at …is gentle, yet still pushes me to go the distance. Being responsible to someone, other than my husband, is also a a supplement to the process
My ADHD medicine is necessary, along with support of a therapist that understands the struggle …

I had the ‘please, let me just die’ flu last week, so that did help with beginning the process of changing my eating. This week, I am focusing on creating exercise habits …it is more sustainable for me to start one habit at a time …

Routine is my secret weapon, it assists me with a sense of the time of day, as well as the day of the week, not to mention my goals and priorities. I don’t need to stress about what I need to do, when I need to do it …as much as I detest routines being a free-spirited Aquarian, it does increase my ability to cope and stay on my meandering path … And not every day lends itself to following the routine to the dots and tittles …but it is a skeleton that is flexible … perfection being unattainable, 80/20 is a lifesaving rule

Monday. Weight-In. 30 minutes 8am exercise. IF Fasting till 12
Tuesday. Gym Training 1:30 pm. IF Fasting till 12
Wednesday. 30 minutes 8am. IF Fasting till 12
Thursday is 8am exercise. IF Fasting till 12
Friday. Gym Training 1:30. IF Fasting till 12
Saturday. 30 minutes 8am exercise. IF Fasting till 12
Sunday is my ‘Rest’ Day…Breakfast and a fun day with my husband💕

There are additional changes that are in the wings …for flexibility and strength training …the trainer suggested swimming exercises classes at the gym and a ‘gentle yoga’ class …currently it sounds overwhelming … yet I only need take one day at a time…

Today, Friday is my second gym day …doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment …but a rung in the ladder …a step ‘at a time’ on this long trek toward the top of the mountain … with courage I am taking each day slowly and with a deliberate focus …as much as possible with an ADHD brain 😂

“Courage wasn’t a matter of taking the whole mountain in a single massive leap. Courage was taking it one step at a time, doing what was necessary now, preparing for the next step, and refusing to worry about whether some step in the future would be the one that would break him.”
– Timothy Zahn, ‘Star Wars’.

I am documenting this journey with ADHD and weight loss at the awesome age of 60+, so if there is anyone that feels hopeless and lost in the gloomy obscurity of life…I leave a little of myself to shine✨ in the mire of despondency that we all feel burdened with at times …

“Don’t feel alone, because there is always someone out there who loves you more than you can imagine.” – Anurag Prakash Ray.

Sending love for your day … love is the magic that creates possibilities where there appears only an abyss of nothingness …Although you may not know me, and I may not have seen you in this physical world …I know you are there, and I walk beside you …may these words wrap a warmth and comforting blanket around your heart …💌

Should I Just Give In…and Up

Daily tripping over myself and rolling down this steep mountain…over bruising rocks and broken twigs poking holes and leaving long bleeding scratches in the skin of my soul and spirit… continuing fighting for a goal, that appears unattainable, every single day seems counterintuitive …so when is it pure foolish dogged grit and when is it time to let something go…

Is being a healthy weight at 66…almost 67…an unhealthy obsession? …I have fought with my weight issues for most of my life …starting with the dissolution of my first marriage …gaining weight as I stuffed emotions of every kind … feeling that I wasn’t worth loving …I was inadequate as a woman (my own Father pounded that in…I wasn’t a good enough woman to keep my husband from cheating …I had no skills to combat all the despair and depression …wanting to just to die because of the incredible pain that enveloped me every moment of every breath…

…I digress …this writing is not about delving into the situations that occured to cause emotional overeating …and more about where I go from here …I wanted so much to make this the “last” and final time to try and get healthy …I live with a vision of being healthy and fit …just sliding into a dress and not worrying about which lump or bump that might show …of being able to get up of the ground when I want to take a photograph from an inspiring creative angle… taking hikes with my Mr. P …and on and on …the desire is there

Thirty years of “dieting” hasn’t worked …there is always a stressful situation that arrives knocking on the door …that is the siren’s call of fatty, sugary, and carby beckons ….bringing all the comforting numbing and pleasure of earthly fare (however fleeting) whispers …you know …the legal substance to anaesthetize overwhelming emotional pain …

When I first arrived here in South Africa in 2019 …I weighed the heaviest that I had ever been in my life …and with support I lost 50 pounds …it was such an incredible feeling …it wasn’t easy …but walking, exercising, and low carb eating it came off without too much pain …although the first month my body ached every day as I started moving after about 3 years of dealing with PTSD and just surviving day to day …so, it is possible …

Then life smacked us all ridiculously hard with Covid lock-down …here, we couldn’t even leave the house for walking for a fleeting period of time …then my knight was diagnosed with colon cancer and the next year, and a half consisted of an overload of every conceivable emotion and anxiety that one deals with in this situation…topped with being alone in a new and unknown country with a new partnership …needless to say, that knocked me off the healthy lifestyle that I had developed …falling back to my lifelong coping mechanisms …

I have never fully recovered …and although I didn’t lose all the ground, I had gained with my endeavors …I am now in another challenging situation that is continuing to sabotage the loss that I had …and I am concerned …currently losing ground rapidly

So …should I just let go … and just say, “f*** it all” and just live the shortened life that I will have (if I give up) …

There are days that it feels that it might be such a relief to just float into oblivion of not caring anymore …

Yet …there springs the smallest flicker of hope that I can still beat this …so tired of fighting …is there another way to find peace and health at the same time …the paths that I was walked before …definitely didn’t lead me to the place that I wanted …just more frustration of failing one more time …belief in myself dissipating …

The situation is not going to change for a little while …it is a situation that I am caring for a young girl who is hanging on for her own life …I won’t abandon her when her loneliness and despair …I know too well her journey … her heart is beautiful and shines through …

So now what …unfortunately or fortunately …I have never been able to give up on something that is important to who I as a person …I still want a life filled with joy and happiness and the longer I ride this planet …the more glimpses of that magical joy I can stuff into my pockets of memories to warm me when life is cold and the blustery winds curl their tendrils around me …intent on pulling off the cloak of my peace …

The process has to be different than that the greedy businesses of weight loss tries to sell us …the pied pipers of the perfect body …companies that “peddle fad weight-loss products.” to line their pockets with the hopes and dreams of people believing the lies that are spun …

I know that there are no easy fixes …no quick diet …I do not have enough fingers and toes to count the times that I’ve believed and spend my blood and sweaty tears for a new hope filled scheme …

It’s only a long term…exercise and calorie deficit lifestyle …living life …80/20 and not perfection that laughs in my face with the impossibility …I have a meeting with a trainer that I meet with last week …not for losing weight specifically …but to increase those sly muscle tissues that keep disappearing somewhere in the wild blue wonder as I age …and the flexibility that would support less chance of injury ….yada…yada …yada…things we all know are important for a better life as we age …

Bottom line …I just want to feel a whole lot better than I do currently …and the rocking chair doesn’t entice me at all …is it too late …I don’t think so …as long as I have breath, it is not too late …more difficult, but possible …

I had tried a trainer last year …but it wasn’t the right fit …he was a buff guy that just knew how to do that …”buff up” …not a long-term, slow healthy journey…a sustainable lifestyle for the rest of my life …a lifestyle that supports the attainment of my goals and dreams that I still carry tucked away in the deepest dark corners of my mind from the prying and grubby hands of those that say, that I must release them and let them go …you’re too old …

I have worked really Damm hard to get this far in life …to survive … maybe not thrive as well as I would have liked …but I survived and that is a victory that I can celebrate …and I am not too old to be what I want to be or at least enjoy the journey …

So I am putting on my “big girl panties” …and go to work …one more time …”I can do all things through Him who empowers me” …maybe pure foolishness …but often in history, what the world saw as foolishness became a greatness that enhanced the life of others …

Sending so much love, laughter, and magic for your life ❣…

135 Days…

Back home from a cold and rainy forest holiday in Hogsback (strange name with unknown origin)…supposedly the place that inspired JRR Tolkien… nestled in the Amatola Mountain range and housing the oldest forest in South Africa…

With no wi-fi or internet…you can lose yourself in the pure magic…the earthy smells and fragrances of the natural world triggering old memories, and creating new ones…the heavy, heady smell of damp forest…

It sits on your shoulder and seeps into your senses… excited to see the colors and smell of …I am missing the crisp air and the vibrate reds, and oranges so beautifully mixed with muted shades of yellow and brown…such a kaleidoscope of color…my heart sang…and I still reel with the beauty that is just too exquisite to be able to find the right words…

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.” ~Unknown

An apt quote for the mission that I am on to let go of the unhealthy part of myself…physically and mentally…

A celebration before we left…for Mr. P’s birthday at a restaurant called Natti’s Thai Kitchen…

Why can I never remember the effects of food and drink that are so detrimental to me…in the suspended moments of enjoyment with great friends and wonderful food…there was definitely too much alcohol imbibed by me…

I don’t normally drink alcohol…but it difficult for me in a social situation to abstain totally…normally one glass is sufficient…but that night everyone brought alcohol…gin and several bottles of wine…after one…it was too easy to allow my glass to keep being filled…

A fact of life…our bodies weaken with age…and I am working harder at trying to find a happy and healthy balance…drinking more than an occasional glass of wine is not on the list any more…but I get caught up in the frivolity and joy…I wasn’t prepared for the situation…

With being highly sensitive…the next day I reaped the effects…hormonal imbalance…depression is the worst…teary eyed…extra sensitive to every word that was spoken to me…morose and definitely not motivated to do anything…

At least I realized what was happening…and there is not much that I can do, except wait it out…but it always feels like a wasted day…miserable…you would think it would be a huge red flag…memory is so not reliable sometimes…

Difficult to eat correctly and track…motivate myself to exercise…all the routines that provide optimum living for me…Didn’t really have time to dwell on it much…getting ready to leave for Hogsback…such a needed break…

I ground in Nature…it is the most healing place that I can be…and the forest is probably the number 1 place that I love to just get lost in…wrapped in the soothing arms of Mother Earth…Stepping into a forest is like walking through a gate…I can release all the fuss and stress behind…to be greeted with peace and fragrant nature.

I didn’t track and was worried that I would gain weight…but the 80/20 rule applied…stress is outlawed during breaks from “real” life…we walked… hiked…over 10,000 steps per day…up and down…carrying photographic equipment…

Didn’t learn my lesson…Gin Tasting for me…

Don’t you just love the hat🤣

Was it worth it…I came back with a 2 lb. loss…so in that respect…it did not hurt my progress…but I don’t enjoy the punishment that ensues… my feelings of peace and happiness…

I made a choice…I don’t think I’ll be a teetotaler… but limiting myself to ONE drink is doable…there were other choices that hung on the coattails of that one…choosing to give up processed wheat and sugar…for a couple of weeks to confirm if my sensitivities are affected… there are a few studies that show that refined sugar and wheat have a drug-effect on the brain…

It worked when I lost the initial fifty pounds…but I didn’t eat fruit…because even natural sugars can sometimes cause my insulin to go wonky and I get hungry and hangry…and there goes the program…

Just one day at a time…for me it is difficult right now…carbs are my absolute fav…and I really resist the thought that it is imperative for me to be healthy…”If you resist giving up certain foods it is likely you’re addicted or intolerant to them”…and I cringe…clench my jaws…become very irritated at the thought…hmmm

I’m on my third day…just taking one day at a time…I’ll let you know how it goes…

Finally…three years later…wild baboons running wild in town

Have a Magical Day warmed with Love❣

Vroom.. Vroom

Like a souped-up car at the starting lineup of an illicit street race…a little more battered and poorly maintained than most of the participants in the contest of losing weight…but here I am…gunning my engine…

Ok…it’s more like turtling along …a nostalgic cruising with the oldies…

It took me awhile to get to the starting lineup this time…keep making a wrong turn…getting caught in dead ends or facing a brick wall…needing to back up, turn around and try another route…my map was quite out of date apparently…

Here is the map that I am using to find the that I am seeking…a healthy mental and physical body that I feel confident in and my added desired benefit… An age-appropriate black dress sexy …

SMART GOALS

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound.

Why? Why is this important to me …especially when some people in retirement are ready for the sideline rocking chair…Because I AM NOT…I just found my Prince and want to spend as much quality time exploring life with him…being an example to my granddaughters…being able to pursue my passion of photography (getting flat on the ground to take unique perspectives with my camera is easier with a healthy and flexible body)…each pound lost removes 4 pounds of pressure off my poor grumpy back…and knees…and most importantly…brain health “a person’s weight goes up, all regions of the brain go down in activity and blood flow” …”This study shows that being overweight or obese seriously impacts brain activity and increases the risk for Alzheimer’s disease as well as many other psychiatric and cognitive conditions,”

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/08/200805110127.htm#:~:text=on%20brain%20function-,Higher%20BMI%20is%20linked%20to%20decreased%20cerebral%20blood%20flow%2C%20which,Alzheimer’s%20disease%20and%20mental%20illness&text=Summary%3A,a%20new%20brain%20imaging

I had been on anti-depressants for a period for time when I was faced with dealing with my husband’s cancer surgery and chemotherapy during Covid in a new country…slowly coming off took about 4 months… and this week I am back to feeling like myself…the good, bad, and ugly😁

Found that EFT really is a great support for releasing anxiety that causes emotional eating and the need for wrapping myself up in a blanket of fluff…meditation was a great start…but this seems to be a better fit for me and this sensitivity that I have been blessed with (HSP/INFJ)…

Be Consistent with Logging and Exercising for 146 days (20 weeks)…that’s when we’ll be flying into the USA after being gone for 3+ years…I don’t want to put a specific weight because I do not know exactly how quickly my body is willing to release the curvaceous aspects of itself…

“Do it again and again. Consistency makes the raindrops to create holes in the rock. Whatever is difficult can be done easily with regular attendance, attention and action.”
Israelmore Ayivor, ‘The Great Hand Book Of Quotes’.

Tracking weight in Fitbit every Monday and daily logging in MFP Food Dairy I use Fitbit for logging weight because it is connected to my scale and I like other features such as my sleep score…but for some reason it is easier to record my food intake with My Fitness Pal…

Goal of 1365 calories 80% of the time…I want to be mindful without being obsessive…more fruits and vegetables…less sugar and refined carbs…I feel so much better when I eat this way…

Walking 5x a week…gym twice a week…for me that’s achievable…my goal steps per day is minimum 5,000 to 10,000…

I commit to being accountable for the 146 days…and will review at that point what my long term goals will be…so for the next 146 days I will post daily in this blog…what I ate before and my exercise log…and how I am sputtering along

Much love and laughter for your day…sprinkled with magic

I have a Secret…

There is excitement in the adventure that I am taking…I will embrace the excitement and will accept the challenges…

Birthday Over…Although I celebrate every day because I am given a present🎁 every morning of a new day filled with possibilities…

I have struggled over the years…especially the last two years…after an initial weight loss of forty-five pounds…Age plays a role…but that does not mean this is impossible…this mountain I am climbing…difficult…probably…but not impossible…some days, and even weeks lately…it has felt unconquerable…

A 15,00000000-foot mountain and just lacing up the boots…yet, that is where everyone starts…every celebrated author, sports hero, actor, and each everyday person who accomplishes their dream…

Asking for Help

I HATE asking for help…absolutely, empathically hate asking…a weakness…feeling that I should be intelligent enough to figure things out on my own…never wanting to be inadequate, incompetent, or needy…never trusting or being vulnerable…Vulnerability being the key word…the fear of being judged as less than “perfect” in a society that bows at the feet of magnificent faultlessness …

…Still in class in the school of being “human”… I am learning that asking for help requires courage and a willingness to be transparent…and after struggling for the last few years to become healthier by losing more weight…I asked for the dreaded, yet necessary support I need…

Scratching and clawing with every ounce of strength I had…until I would cry in frustration with the feeling of hopelessness…not getting anywhere but sliding backwards… further back down the mountain…

Don’t really know why the change after the initial loss…but nothing worked…not Keto (except to make my heart rate increase skywards) not tracking…not exercising…and…and…except to say that I couldn’t seem to stay consistent in anything…

I had tried a nutritionist over a year ago…didn’t really work for me because it wasn’t about my particular (and peculiar American tastes in the South African world) likes or dislikes…trying to push a liquid diet…stopped going after 2 meetings…

Concerned that my age was going to make the hike up the mountain to be an impossible task…either because I am donkey stubborn or not quite ready to give up and sit in a rocking chair…I acquiesced and tried another dietician…like “chalk and cheese” as Mr. P is prone to say😊…

I am so glad that I was willing to try again…I left with such a feeling of effervescent, lighthearted bubbly hope…I had forgotten what it felt like…she listened to me…she asked a lot of questions about my preferences and motivations… We developed goals that were acceptable…

That was yesterday…it will be a couple of days before she sends me the plan that she is making custom for my preferences and lifestyle…I can’t wait to get started with more concrete directives…

This will give me the flexibility for my “free spirit” not to feel stifled…

Moral:

Quotes about Asking god for help (27 quotes)

Much love, laughter and magic for your day…you are brave❣

Creating the Future…

“You can lament over what could have been, or you can do something bold; use that energy to create an enviable future. It is up to you.”
Richelle E. Goodrich

Being the Aquarian non-conformist that I am… and not good at sticking to New Year Resolutions…I never start my year on January first…instead, choosing to use the month to “PYR” …past year review… my own personal annual performance review…what worked and what didn’t in moving me forward toward accomplishing life goals…deleting or adding, as needed…regaining focus

What were my biggest wins of the past year? What am I proud of accomplishing last year? What memorable experiences did I have last year?
- The highpoint of the year was November 28th…the day that I married the love of my life…what could be better than that!
- Our New Kitchen…just what I wanted…
- My son surprised me and flew in to be at the wedding
- My biggest win for me was when I finally started entering the photographic competitions
- Many photographic experiences and new & returning adventures …Rooi-Els, Cape Town Trips, Cape St. Francis beach trips, Amakhala Safari Lodge- Amakhala Game Reserve, Outings with the Camera Club to Van Stadens Flower Reserve…the Whale, Dolphin and Penguin Island Cruise

What was the biggest lesson that I learned?
- My dreams can come true no matter what my age and no matter how long I have waited…Never give up…Hope always
What one personal quality did you most develop?
- Following my dreams
- Trusting that I am loved and accepted for who I am… even with all my quirks and folliables

“Three things in life – your health, your mission, and the people you love. That’s it.” ― Naval Ravikant

What is my biggest priority in 2022? What are my aspirations for this year?
- Becoming Healthy...
What will support me in achieving this priority?
- Routines…consistent healthy habits

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

If everything were already the way I want them to be in the following areas…what would the results be…in specific and measurable terms (as if they had already happened…

Health & Wellness
- - I weigh xxx. I listen to my body’s needs. My positive thoughts and actions renew my mind and body. I am lean, fit, tight, and light…and fabulous! I fuel my body and have amazing results from my workouts. I drink water throughout the day. Every day my body becomes stronger and fitter…every cell in my body

Relationships
- Mr. P and I have a long-lasting, happy, satisfying relationship. Our love grows stronger every day. We are in loving, committed, strong relationship❣

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu

Spiritual/Mental Growth
- I am cherished, treasured, and loved by God. I am a perfect open channel for divine love and peace. I am connected to the wisdom of the universe. I have a deep sense of inner peace that is always within me, no matter what happens. I am love. I am purpose. I was made with divine intention.

Personal Growth
- I’m not stopping until I’m the best I can be. I want to inspire those around me with my growth. I won’t be trapped in the past. It’s time to work towards the future. I choose to live a rich and full life. I feed my spirit. I train my body. I focus my mind. It’s my time.

What will it cost me to not achieve these expectations?
- I get upset and demotivated. I lose faith in myself. I feel that I am a failure.
- Become demotivated
- I waste the precious life that I am entrusted with

What can I consistently do (habits) to achieve my goals in these areas?

Health & Wellness
- I get 10,000 steps per day
- I have a calorie deficit every day…Tracking Weight & Food Intake
- I incorporate Weekly Strength Training, Cardio, and Yoga
- Eat Low Carb…Eliminating the White (White Flour, White Sugar) and the Processed

Relationships
- Date Night w Mr. P
- Practice Love above all
- Contact Close friends and Family consistently…weekly calls
- Be two, not One – making my marriage a priority
- Communicate-making sure I understand what was said

Spiritual/Mental Growth
- Practice Love/Kindness Daily
- Practice Gratitude
- Meditate Daily…Practice Mindfulness
- Show Empathy
- Journal Daily
- I live a happier life in the future than I was living in that moment
- Study consciousness, religion, or philosophy
- Learn to work with energy
- Becoming More Intuitive
- Becoming more Peaceful

Personal Growth
- Study Daily (5X a week) …study to enhance my skills in Adobe
- Make my health a Priority this Year…
- Join the National Photographic Society and Enter Competitions
- Keep Adventuring
- Commit to Life-Long Learning
- Have Faith in Myself
- Live Authentically
- Form Consistent Good Habits – Replacing Bad Habits
- Grow beyond my Comfort Zone
- Take Life Less Seriously – Enjoy the Present

Quotes About Optimal Health: top 11 Optimal Health quotes from famous authors

There are long term goals broken down into short term goals…losing 5 pounds per month and focusing on that instead of freaking out about the impossible long-term goal that I have set (you know that setting the flag on the top of Mt. Everest) …

In writing what I want to accomplish this year…looks overwhelming…the most important thing I learned from last year is that we CAN have it all…but just not all at the same time…this year I dropped working on writing my novel and put on the shelf for this year…in reading about South Africa…the research does continue…

Ger Healthy and Continue to Grow in my Photographic Skills are the only two Personal Goals that I will laser focus on…the rest are continuations of the habits and routines that are consistent already…

10 Quotes That Will Inspire You to Do What You Love | The Muse

What would you like to accomplish this year, so you can look back and be happy with the stewardship of your life’s energy?

Love, laughter, and magic for your day🦋

Embracing our delectable…

When I think about aging …Long deep breaths until the dizziness passes…

I received a message yesterday that said, “Hi grandma. How are you? I just wanted to tell you that I am back safe.”… “grandma” …I immediately sent back the reply…”I think you sent this to me by mistake.”…which followed “No, I sent this for you”…

After I finished stomping around, huffing, and puffing…Mr. P. gently reminded me that it was a sign of respect…I do love that here in Africa…the cultural stereotype of older adults is so different than what I saw in the United States…

Mass media…the central nervous system of western societies assists in the creation of social prejudice…no matter what societal background you exist within …Ageism…youth and beauty glorified and “older people have had to face an escalating level of disregard, disrespect, and marginalization ….”https://www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation.aspx?paperid=78445

My experience here has been vastly different…where respect for age and the older generation is a societal ideal…I was taken back the first time that I was addressed as mama ‘mother’…

In the Xhosa culture…When greeting a person older than yourself (more or less your parents’ age), tata ‘father’ would be used for a man and mama ‘mother’ for a woman. For greetings of people of your grandparents’ age, tat’omkhulu ‘grandfather’, and makhulu ‘grandmother’ are used as forms of address. Greeting someone of your own age
you would address her as sisi, ‘sister’, and bhuti, ‘brother’ for the male counterpart https://www.unisa.ac.za/

…but still “Grandma”…although changing…unfortunately my view on aging is still a westernized version…where beauty (not wisdom and experience) is venerated…

I meandered down a different path…This blog had started out to be about goals…although aging influences how I am going about it this year…I never set New Year Eve’s goals…being the non-conformist that I am… spending the month of January assessing the last year and re-establishing what is most important to me…where I am at…my birthday of January 26th being my “New Year”…

“We must not despair the evanescent nature of time or our brief existence; we must embrace our delectable moment on earth. Life is a fantastic dream where we rejoice in the incomparable beauty of this misty world of ethereal sensations and sentiments. Buddha said, “It is better to travel well than to arrive.” We must swim with the tide and rejoice in life of memory, dreams, and the beauty that is transpiring before our very eyes. Indian Buddhist teacher and philosopher Nagarjuna advises in “The Diamond Sutra,” to enjoy the dream world, “Thus shall you think of this fleeting world: A star at dawn, a bubble in the stream; a flash of lightening in a summer cloud; a flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.”
Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

My Tribute to the Delicacies of this past year…

As with anyone’s life…it’s a roller coaster…there were cancer checkups, surgeries, and things that drove us a little crazy …although I don’t have far to go for that) … 2021 last year whizzed by in a blur (it is said that as we have more years on earth the quicker it goes) …it was a breathtakingly incredible and memorable year…Mr. P. put in his workshop (something he’s always wanted) …now he has two “man caves” I must search when I need find him…

trips to Addo..to Cape Town

Learning about Birding…a Mr. P. interest Cape Town again Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden…

Table Mountain (Nature Reserve)

Female Sugarbird

By June…I was learning about the strongest insect in the world…the Dung Beetle…so interesting I wrote two blogs

Cape Glossy Starling Dancing the Tango

Watching Bacchus become more self-confident…we had gotten him at the shelter, and he was so scared of other dogs at first that he would run home the first time we took him for a walk…still doesn’t bark though…

August..we spent a weekend at Cape St. Francis…spending time with Mr. P’s niece and her boyfriend…I will always remember the sunset wine with them…beautiful souls who gives hope for our future generations…

Sept. started planning for the kitchen renovation…made new friends (for me) when we stayed at Amakhala Safari Lodge and met bachelor Norman…the welcome committee…

October…we were finishing the kitchen…after washing dishes in the bathroom sink for weeks…searching for utensils, pots, and pans on the mess in the living room…spending a couple of days at the cottage by the sea to recover…tussling with all the paperwork needed to get married in a foreign country…

November went by…just as quickly…the annual “Raggy Charters Island Tour” with the Photographic Club…St. Croix Island…the home of about 10,000 South African Penguins and Brenton Island…a tad windy but so enjoyable for those that didn’t experience seasickness…

November was the pièce de résistance…I married the “hunky” knight in shining armour that I adore…the gallant Mr. P. …my son surprised me and flew in to give me away…an elegant ceremony at his sister’s house…

“I marveled at the beauty of all life and savored the power and possibilities of my imagination. In these rare moments, I prayed, I danced, and I analyzed. I saw that life was good and bad, beautiful and ugly. I understood that I had to dwell on the good and beautiful in order to keep my imagination, sensitivity, and gratitude intact. I knew it would not be easy to maintain this perspective. I knew I would often twist and turn, bend and crack a little, but I also knew that…I would never completely break.”
― Maria Nhambu, Africa’s Child

What was your most awe- inspiring …the memory that you will cherish deep within your heart…

Maybe I can get to the plan for 2022…Much love, laughter, and magic in your life

Removing the Amour

Every day was a battle…covering myself from head to toe…

Medium weight armor is best for the movements of the limbs, but I never like to do anything half-heartedly…so I chose the heavier armor to protect my vital organs…my heart being the most vulnerable…

Every day was a battle…I slowly covered myself from head to toe…a defense after traumatic past events…insulating from unwanted attention…food soothing guilt, shame, as anesthesia, as self-punishment, soothing medicine, comfort, protection, and a way to stuff rage that was not safe to express…

The “double whammy” being that an HSP …I was unknowingly and unconsciously absorbing not only my own emotional pain but the mental energy, emotional energy, physical pain and sensations in other people’s bodies, environmental energy, and world collective energy …

Depression, anxiety, anger, confusion, and pain each creating a piece of armor…and it is heavy…

I am a survivor…no longer a victim…in a safe place…I removed almost fifty pieces/pounds…and then I just stopped and couldn’t climb any further up this mountain…I just sat down and no matter what I did or tried I did not find my momentum…whether it was a dietician or weight loss programs…there is still heavy baggage that must be released to be free…

Still working on the causes…whether it’s unmeet emotional needs from my childhood…fear of change or any other emotional issue…but I must start where I am at…and I started the climb again one foot in front of the other…one day at a time…sometimes it is a minute at a time…or an hour at a time…looking forward…focusing on the habits and processes that I know work for me…since on the fifth of this month…I released/let go 4.5 pounds more of heaviness…

“On your darkest days do not try to see the end of the tunnel by looking far ahead. Focus only on where you are right now. Then carefully take one step at a time, by placing just one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you will turn that corner.”
― Anthon St. Maarten

Leather Armor Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Removing the armor…one piece at a time

Removing the armor means releasing the trapped dark and dense lower emotional energy of the past…balancing in my body, as well as my soul and spirit…to release and be filled with love, joy, and peace…

It is the starting that always seems the most difficult…but then there is the continuing…and the finishing too…that’s why laser focus on the next step in front of you is a critical component in anything…for me, it is my saving grace at the moment…

**I have been working on this blog for three days and keep getting stuck**…

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The habits that I have been creating are 1) Logging everything that goes in the mouth. 2) reporting daily to my friend MP, who is my police officer. 3) Walking and Cardio 5,000 min – 10,000. 4) No white stuff ….and

5) No alcohol

you got to be kidding me

…now don’t get the idea that I drink a lot…but (1) glass of wine before dinner to sit and talk/relax with Mr. P was our sweet routine…and now I felt really left out…when Mr. P’s friend was here, they would enjoy their evening “tot” of whiskey…not a fun way to start…but I was determined…

There is always a solution…always…it might be difficult to find…but keep on searching…A little sparkling water, a little diet sprite, a smidgeon of grapefruit juice and a lemon slice in a nice glass…problem solved

Unfortunately…being an HSP…(a sensitive) includes what I eat and drink…and with these simple (and sometimes not so simple changes) my Resting Heart Rate dropped 10 points…

This is what loving myself looks like…which is another topic for a blog post…I don’t have a great amount of experience with accepting myself…and loving who I am was an impossibility…but it is said you’re never too old to learn…

Loving was only something that was allocated for someone else…walking the extra mile…giving the coat off your back…self-care and self-love was a non-entity in my life…a friend of mine once asked me, “Don’t you think you deserve better?”…should have been a clue…

Quote by Charlie Chaplin…

“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”

Till next time…may your life be filled with much love, laughter and magic…❣

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