#life-and-living – Page 2 – Threads of Thought

Atomic Habits…

Atomic Habits…a book written by James Clear is one of the best books that I have read on the importance of tiny habits making a dramatic difference in our lives…

I saw my dietician last Friday…three days ago…I had gained some since I first saw her in February…but now I am in a different place…more aware of the emotional components in this process…I am so proud of myself.. I started the program the next day…not waiting and gorging all weekend till Monday morning…which is a first for me (a very good sign)

She has a different approach than I have been programmed to believe is the answer…she believes in a lifestyle of healthy eating…not a dieting mindset…Focusing on behavior…not just on diet…

Taking the time to make permanent changes to lifestyle…wanting to use the meal plan guide towards change…on practical lifestyle changes…Focusing on one thing at a time…identifying old habits and substituting new habits…aiming to follow the plan 80% of the time (the old 80/20 Rule)

“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time.”
― James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

To lose weight at approximately +/- 1 kg (2.2 lbs.) a week…my Total Average Energy Prescription (for my Height/Bone Mass etc. is 4,500 Kj (it is still difficult thinking in metric versus imperial) 🤔

Daily Portion Distribution:

Carbohydrate (Starches) (4)
Protein (7)
Fat (4)
Fruit (1)
Vegetables (at least 3-5) Most vegetables are ‘free’ food items and should fill 1/2 the plate

Non diet goals is to try and exercise at mínimum 3 times a week …choosing something that I enjoy and is sustainable…

Back to learning how to navigate life all over again…the spiritual, physical, and mental without overwhelming myself in small sustainable steps…I’m not very good at that…the changing life gradually and in an integrated style…but, heah…I’ve tried everything else…and what’s the definition of insanity😂…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…

I have a goal…to traverse the mountain and reach the healthy goal of being at my optimum weight for me…but now I must develop the system that will take me there…

A lot of people want to lose weight (the same goal) …but the ones that achieve that goal are the ones that are consistent with their system…daily habits with small consistent improvements…the Japanese have a word for this “Kaizen”…”change for the better” or “continuous improvement”…

Today, I exercised…but only 10 minutes of yoga and 15 minutes (1 mile) of walking…that’s one system that I want to be consistent in…it makes my day so much better when I begin the morning with movement…

What system do you need to develop to meet your goal…to cross your mountain? May I suggest…read James Clear’s book or at least the summary…it’s lifechanging…or it was for me…

Lots of Love. Laughter and Magic for your day❣

Conversations…My Dragon & I

“Don’t fight your demons. Your demons are here to teach you lessons. Sit down with your demons and have a drink and a chat and learn their names and talk about the burns on their fingers and scratches on their ankles. Some of them are very nice.”
Charles Bukowski

Making peace with one’s self is so much easier than making war…well, maybe not easier but less bloody…Incredibly adverse to the hatred that it takes to kill something…even the thought of killing something within myself was abhorrent…

So how to reframe it all… losing weight…which is letting all the trapped trauma go…self-sabotaging…self-hatred…to lose weight without limited massive willpower… and keep it off means changing something deep within myself…so here I am taking the time to talk to my big personal dragon of self-sabotage…why does he decide to burn down every attempt to cross this mountain…

It made no sense when I was so confident that this was the time… Determination was at an optimum level…I was going to conquer the mountain of weight loss come hell or high water…becoming healthier, more confident, and happier…and then I quit…BLOP…sat right now and quit…doing the same thing over and over gets exhausting…

During introspection, I realized that I had been in a situation that triggered all of my fears of being “not safe”…being “pretty” when I was younger brought attention that was dangerous and hurtful…the fear (Fear is a powerful, deeply wired reaction that is designed to keep us safe from perceived threats) of being taken advantage of again caused the “inner child” to freak out again…huge anxiety…

There are several reasons (smaller dragons) that have caused me to sabotage my weight loss…feeding worry and anxiety… a way to soothe, rewarding myself and suppressing feelings…but the biggest one is fear in all its incredible glorious form…

Recognizing it is the first step…the fear is irrational…I am in a safe place with a man that loves me for who I am… understands and is supportive of where I’m at…acknowledgement has been a good beginning…I have started talking with a therapist and we’ll see where that leads and if it is helpful…

The trauma of when I was younger apparently was horrible enough that my self-protection has blocked my memory of most of my life between the ages of 5 and 18…our brains are such beautiful… I don’t know if I even need to remember or if I ever will…and that’s ok…I have forgiven and I am no longer a victim…my focus is staying mindful and being in the moment…”sucking the juice out of every moment that I am blessed with”…

Now it is taking one step at a time…loving myself and the dragon that I live with seems to be a smart step right now…gently acknowledging the fear and learning to love myself…

Daily self-love is being gentle with myself…focusing on doing at least one productive thing per day that I can do towards my goal…living the fact that being healthy makes me less vulnerable, not more…

This week I have been Intermittent Fasting 16/8…it’s easy and I enjoy the feeling of not being weighed down with food or worrying about what to eat…even though there are periods of hunger…I have made an appointment with my nutritionist for Friday…I will meet with her once a week for support…

Making friends with my dragon so we can learn to fly together …my dragon and I

Much love, laughter, and magic for your day❣

Tame the Dragon…

“Never judge another knight without first knowing the strength and cunning of the dragons he fights.”
Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons: Quotes, Poetry, & a few Short Stories for Every Day of the Year

Admitting that I’m imperfect, in a world that worships perfection, is not an easy thing…you see influencers on social media and their lives look flawless…exempt from pain or any flaw…

I would think I would have it all figured out and life would be a smooth walk by now…yet there is a deep chasm between where I am and the mountain that I want to be at…day-to-day resistance…a struggle that is painful…self-sabotage at work…

The faucet of emotions has been dripping for a long time…that’s easy to handle…to sop up and hide it away somewhere…I was always fearful that if I had to release it all that it would overwhelm me, and I would suffocate under the weight of it all…

I am not angry or do I feel like a victim…I believe in the goodness of God…grateful for the life that I am so gifted with…overcoming many obstacles in my life…but I’m stuck…a deep soulful yearning for that exquisite view from the mountain top…

Yesterday I heard of an artist that committed suicide…someone who gave his whole life to helping the less fortunate here in South Africa…the question is “why”…what pain did he live with that he couldn’t bear anymore…

I have been there… sitting in my bathroom at the age of 35 and the soul pain so unbearable that I wanted to die…ripping through the fabric of my being…again and again…until it became so excruciating …so agonizing …that even 35 years later it twists the very being of who I am…wringing tears from my heart that I thought I had cried…

Now I must face the monster to get where I want to the place I have been drawn to all of my life…Oprah Winfrey said it well, when she said...”I want to fulfill the highest expression of myself as a human being (a spiritual being having an earthly experience)…I want to fulfill the promise that the creator dreamed when He dreamed the cells that made up me”…

“Ultimately, we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” ~Marilyn Ferguson

I’ve tried to fix the problem with band aids…but I keep running smack dab into a wall…hitting bottom…living in the dark…facing buried childhood trauma is difficult…not blaming anyone…everyone does the best they can…I have forgiven…but the script that were installed as a child keeps playing…”you’re not worth anything as a female”…”you don’t deserve to be protected”…need to be erased and rewritten…not an easy task at any stage of life…

I have already come a great distance by myself and with support and love… crawling through continuing abusive relationships that reinforced the belief system that I wasn’t worthy of care and love…a friend once asked me, “if I didn’t feel that I deserved better”… and subconsciously I didn’t…always trying to prove my worth by being perfect…in literally everything…catering to every whim and desire of the people in my life…to the point I ended up with PTSD…curled up in a ball…totally and utterly exhausting…

I’ve been protected and carried even when I couldn’t walk anymore…with buried sparks of dreams that I was given before time…I thought most had been totally obliterated…I have worked hard to grow healthier and stronger…a lifelong journey of study…so I understand where I am at…it’s a final frontier…

I’ve been at the lower mountain camp for several years now…navigating the first forty pounds through sheer perseverance…then my husband’s cancer, covid and loneliness in a new country brought me to the open crevasse that is before me…

I see the beauty on the other side…and freedom…freedom to just be…

A spiritual being having a human experience come trailing the breath of the ancestors yet but trailing the breath of the angels and understanding that because I am connected to the source of all that is all that is possible is possible for me”
Pierre Teilhard De Chardin French philosopher and Jesuit priest 1881 – 1955

It feels like the Valley of Death that I must walk through…the “dark night of the soul”…that miserable process where we undergo for a significant transition …

“There can be no rebirth without a dark night of the soul, a total annihilation of all that you believed in and thought that you were.”― Hazrat Inayat Khan

If I die trying…for it is guarded by a dragon…who if I turn my back on will devour my soul…plant a field of wild flowers for me where butterflies will forever be free….schreech…hard stop…been through too many battles…I WILL CONQUER…I will scale the mountain…and come hell or high water…I will come out on the other side…and if I can’t slay the dragon, I will tame him and ride to the top of the mountain…and plant my own damn flowers and watch the butterflies…create my own fairytale

“They’re telling me that fairy tales are for learning how to slay dragons. But I’m telling them that I would never slay a dragon. I will mount the backs of dragons, I will fly with them. And if that doesn’t happen in fairy tales, well then, I’ll write my own.” ― C. JoyBell C.

“How to get the best of it all? One must conquer, achieve, get to the top; one must know the end to be convinced that one can win the end – to know there’s no dream that mustn’t be dared. . . Is this the summit, crowning the day? How cool and quiet! We’re not exultant; but delighted, joyful; soberly astonished. . . Have we vanquished an enemy? None but ourselves. Have we gained success? That word means nothing here. Have we won a kingdom? No. . . and yes. We have achieved an ultimate satisfaction. . . fulfilled a destiny. . . To struggle and to understand – never this last without the other; such is the law. . .” ~ George Mallory

Setting Our Mountaintop Goals

I recently wrote this blog post on my beautifultapestryoflife site…and I thought I would republish it with added updates for my countdown for weight loss…127 days

The weight loss goal seems more elusive than even this way out photography (career/life) goal…I am having a momentary pity part..but a massive one…I did well for two weeks my lose of 3 pounds after coming back from vacay…

I thought I’d get smart and fine tune the program and cut-out all wheat and sugar…more keto than low carb…and my body just doesn’t appreciate the extra fat in my lifestyle…my Resting heart rate increased drastically over the last week…till it has gotten to what it was 3 years ago…even Mr. P mentioned that my body seems extra sensitive to what I eat…

Sometimes being stubborn can be useful if channeled in the right direction…there are so many reasons to accomplish the goal of losing the weight…one is that I will need the ability to be healthy and move effortlessly to accomplish being a master photographer…laying flat on the ground to take a photo and getting up gracefully is not an easy feat when you carry extra pounds beside the camera equipment…

There are some that might say…you’re getting older…just relax…I can’t, and I won’t…there’s still so much I want to see and do…life has only begun for me at retirement…every cell in my body yearns to be set free…

So now what???????? I can only reset and go back to doing what works and be patient…low carb, exercise, and counting calories…no shortcuts or listening to what Facebook…Instagram or any other social media outlet has to suggest…only my body can tell me what is right for me…and I need to listen…there are no shortcuts in life…I always get lost when I take a side road with a sign that reads “Shortcut –Weightloss and Sweatless Quickie“…no more detours…no more side roads…

You can beat the grind…life knows how much you invested, and it doesn’t give us the mountain tops without the sweat equity…whether mental and/or physical…

Master Photographer Blog continued…

“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.”
—Andrew Carnegie

How do YOU define success…which achievements would make you sing with joy…it is as different for every person as there are stars in the sky…? what goals do you want to really go for with all your being …it may change with time and need to be changed…that’s where I am at… redefining and refining my vision of what “success” means to me during this new chapter of life…what audacious goal should I set my sights on…

THE WHAT: The primary kickstart for goals…what knockdown…knockout personal achievement would make you feel like you made it to the top…

**This is mine**
***Ultimate Goal – Honours Laureate Gold***

Currently after 1 year…I have accumulated 28 from entering the monthly …needing 40 club points to move to a three-star rating…

Goals map out where you want to land…but they can be ambiguous and you may never achieve your desired end result…Yogi Berra said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’re going to end up somewhere else…” I’ve been there before when I’ve set goals and then never achieved them…

What is your story, why do you do what you do?
What keeps you awake at night?
What inspired you to pursue your business?
What makes your heart race?
What was the moment that changed your life as you know it?
What’s been the biggest challenge for you on your photography journey?

What lights you up…Going “niche” makes you stand out…which reduces your competition… increases your visibility…stokes your creative fire…and hones your expertise…remember the old saying “jack of all trades and master of none”…

I’ve tried various niches…street, night, nature, portrait, wedding, black & white, boudoir, macro, candid, landscape, wildlife…some I lose all track of time…I find myself getting lost in creating the magic in nature and wildlife…adding artistic and creative techniques that help tell a story…yet still in the process of defining my own visual and artistic style…

Always take time to play…“All work and no play doesn’t just make Jill and Jack dull, it kills the potential of discovery, mastery, and openness to change and flexibility and it hinders innovation and invention.” – Joline Godfrey

What are your fantastic magical goals…shoot for the moon🌙…my darlings…you have nothing to fear…at the very worst you’ll fall among the twinkling laughter of the stars…love, laughter and magic

Vroom.. Vroom

Like a souped-up car at the starting lineup of an illicit street race…a little more battered and poorly maintained than most of the participants in the contest of losing weight…but here I am…gunning my engine…

Ok…it’s more like turtling along …a nostalgic cruising with the oldies…

It took me awhile to get to the starting lineup this time…keep making a wrong turn…getting caught in dead ends or facing a brick wall…needing to back up, turn around and try another route…my map was quite out of date apparently…

Here is the map that I am using to find the that I am seeking…a healthy mental and physical body that I feel confident in and my added desired benefit… An age-appropriate black dress sexy …

SMART GOALS

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound.

Why? Why is this important to me …especially when some people in retirement are ready for the sideline rocking chair…Because I AM NOT…I just found my Prince and want to spend as much quality time exploring life with him…being an example to my granddaughters…being able to pursue my passion of photography (getting flat on the ground to take unique perspectives with my camera is easier with a healthy and flexible body)…each pound lost removes 4 pounds of pressure off my poor grumpy back…and knees…and most importantly…brain health “a person’s weight goes up, all regions of the brain go down in activity and blood flow” …”This study shows that being overweight or obese seriously impacts brain activity and increases the risk for Alzheimer’s disease as well as many other psychiatric and cognitive conditions,”

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/08/200805110127.htm#:~:text=on%20brain%20function-,Higher%20BMI%20is%20linked%20to%20decreased%20cerebral%20blood%20flow%2C%20which,Alzheimer’s%20disease%20and%20mental%20illness&text=Summary%3A,a%20new%20brain%20imaging

I had been on anti-depressants for a period for time when I was faced with dealing with my husband’s cancer surgery and chemotherapy during Covid in a new country…slowly coming off took about 4 months… and this week I am back to feeling like myself…the good, bad, and ugly😁

Found that EFT really is a great support for releasing anxiety that causes emotional eating and the need for wrapping myself up in a blanket of fluff…meditation was a great start…but this seems to be a better fit for me and this sensitivity that I have been blessed with (HSP/INFJ)…

Be Consistent with Logging and Exercising for 146 days (20 weeks)…that’s when we’ll be flying into the USA after being gone for 3+ years…I don’t want to put a specific weight because I do not know exactly how quickly my body is willing to release the curvaceous aspects of itself…

“Do it again and again. Consistency makes the raindrops to create holes in the rock. Whatever is difficult can be done easily with regular attendance, attention and action.”
Israelmore Ayivor, ‘The Great Hand Book Of Quotes’.

Tracking weight in Fitbit every Monday and daily logging in MFP Food Dairy I use Fitbit for logging weight because it is connected to my scale and I like other features such as my sleep score…but for some reason it is easier to record my food intake with My Fitness Pal…

Goal of 1365 calories 80% of the time…I want to be mindful without being obsessive…more fruits and vegetables…less sugar and refined carbs…I feel so much better when I eat this way…

Walking 5x a week…gym twice a week…for me that’s achievable…my goal steps per day is minimum 5,000 to 10,000…

I commit to being accountable for the 146 days…and will review at that point what my long term goals will be…so for the next 146 days I will post daily in this blog…what I ate before and my exercise log…and how I am sputtering along

Much love and laughter for your day…sprinkled with magic

144 Days…Gym Day

“Gym Rule #1: If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most.” – Jason Love

That is how I felt yesterday. It had been awhile since I had hit the gym …yesterday the gym hit me right back for being absent😂

I have been out of commission with a grumpy lower back…an hour of weight machines was probably a little much…came back home and had to go and comfort my grumbling back.by laying down…I had planned to go for a walk to at least get 5,000 steps on a gym day…but as you see that didn’t happen…something to keep working on…

“The most annoying are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym. I’m like ‘What are you doing here? You’re done.'” – Jim Gaffigan

Way to many carbs…my resting heartrate always increases with extra carbs…today it went increased a beat…back up to 68…not stressing…just monitoring…the goal was accomplished of eating less than I used…I’ll just keep fine tuning…

The nutritionist told me that stress is harmful to weight loss… “When you’re under stress, your body boosts production of the hormone cortisol. Chronic stress and persistently high cortisol levels may be associated with increased appetite and weight gain.“…another reason that EFT is helpful for me…

Keep Turtling…

Days Until…143

🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢…Turtling Along

It does take about an hour a day to get 10,000 steps…30 minutes in the morning exercise video…Leslie Sansone 2 mile Walking video on Youtube (Free) AND 30 minutes in the afternoon…walking the dog when weather permits…love being outside…breathing the fresh air…

That’s how I’m changing my mindset. Dieting based on willpower DOES NOT work long-term…Learning to “love” more vegetables…definitely a work in progress…yesterday made mashed potatoes out of half pumpkin and half potato…a little more palatable…changing my taste buds to enjoy healthy foods takes time…but it does happen…I loved my Diet Coke…but after giving it up and leaving it alone…when I tried it again…it tasted “nasty”…so that gives me hope…

Giddy Up…

WILLPOWER doesn’t keep a rider on the horse…at least not on this horse I’m currently riding..

Willpower does NOT work…A controversial statement for some people…yet an interesting concept…

As determined and stubborn as I am… there is a reason that I keep tripping up…yes, I didn’t achieve my goal of staying on track with my program…using that mulish streak I have kept searching for the key…

Praying…reading…praying…searching…digging…I have always felt that there is an answer to our questions if we are persistent in our seeking…”Seek and ye shall find”…showing life that we are not being swayed…

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” – Confucius

Shedding a Little Light

The last two weeks have revealed two sources that “spoke” to me…one was in an audiobook and the other in an Instagram account…

Finding out that willpower is a finite resource that becomes exhausted with use explains the reason most of us don’t make it past the second week of resolve to eradicate any addiction that all human creatures struggle with…whether it be being addicted to social media, current belief systems, personal comfort zones, and our excuses…behaviors that may contradict our goals.

So why would we even need “willpower” if our goals were… mountain top… flag planting …and life changing

In reading Alan Carr’s book Lose Weight Now…it echoed the statement that losing weight and keeping it off is not about “willpower”…it is more about changing the mentality (belief systems) …he says that it is 99% the mental beliefs that we hold…this from a man who chain smoker for 30+ years…smoking over a 100 cigarettes a day to 0 without any side effects

The nugget of wisdom that hit me in the middle of my forehead (after reading two of his books) was that we have a belief system that I hold tightly too…that I get some benefit from the very thing that is destroying my life…quite literally…statistically taking 3 years of precious life…and increasing life debilitating diseases such as diabetes, cancer, etc….

So why is that knowledge not impetus enough…so why cannot I not resist that one chip or candy that becomes a whole bag…why do I feel that I can’t “give up” the immediate short lived insulin rush of pleasure…

“You want to lose weight because it’s making you miserable, but you’re afraid that life will be miserable if you do.”
Alan Carr’s Easy Way for Women to Lose Weight

hmmmm…the thought of not having another chip or piece of chocolate does feel like the ultimate sacrifice…giving up my friend, comforter, therapist and everyone and everything in between…

“Why is the human species the only species on the planet that suffers with weight problems…”

The one particular “ah ha” moment was when I was listening to the book and he speaks about how we think beef is an optimum protein source and yet in a different country…a cow is considered sacred and dog is the protein of choice…does make one lose their appetite…and notice how it’s (impersonal) beef ..not the (personal) cow…but any how…

It’s changing my mindset that I’m not giving up anything…but feeling bad about myself…tired…unhealthy…does this mean that all is going to be perfect smooth sailing from here…probably not…the “human” factor is still there…but I feel so much freer…a door has opened and there is light sneaking through the cracks …a new surge of ability to conquer…to change

I still have to do the work toward my goal of feeling and being healthy…can’t give a definite number…I don’t want to kneel again to shrine of American beauty numbers…(130 pounds is where I was at 20)…a healthy weight…but at 66 it is now about being my healthiest…

Second lesson relearned…going back to what did work for me. When I first arrived in my Shangri La here in South Africa…I was 50 pounds more blessed than I am today…

Losing 50 pounds…well…at least halfway there…I get so absolutely discouraged about the journey…when I think about it, I cry…it is such an emotional issue and I try not to let it affect my joy and happiness…but that’s not the truth…every day it feels like a failure…ok…pity party over…so much gratefulness for a healthy body…even if it is fluffier than I want (for the moment)..

I lost fifty pounds by tracking…eating low carb (none of the “white stuff”…and walking as close to 10,000 steps per day…which brings me to my second boost of encouragement this week…an Instagram account of a woman who lost almost 200 pounds by doing simple changes consistently… three things…Being calorie deficient every day…tracking food intake…and walking an hour every day…

I can do that!!!!…worked for me the first 50… July 17, 2021 I was at 199.5 (OMG…Onederland)…so why did I stop the program?

Good question to ask myself…I was tired…scary Covid was in full swing…and in September, my love was diagnosed with colon cancer…handling it alone in a foreign country (looking back on it…I did awesome by not gaining it all back) …

And the mental shift of not thinking that sugar and refined carbs were my cozy friends had not happened yet…

It’s been one hell of a ride the last year…fallen off quite a few times…but the road is hopefully a little smoother for a time and I can stay in the saddle and giddy up!!!

Much laughter, happiness and magic in your day❣ Lots of love❣

Thanks always for your letting me share….catch up later….Y’all come back now, hear?

Stitch by Golden Stitch…

Small changes are sustainable…continual improvement…small changes with love…becoming the alchemists’ of our own lives…spinning the straw of humanity into gold threads of love for ourselves and others…

I always want to scale any mountainoous goal in one great swope…I should have learned by now…a hard head sometimes…stubborn as can be…standing at the bottom…running and trying to get off the ground with wings of frail wishes sown together… sustained flight upward doomed to failure…so here I am walking slowly…but forward…step by step…day by day…

It is much less exhausting…and more joyful…yes, I stub my toes…pick pebbles out of my sandals now and then…even fall into some dark deep chasms …but less painful than falling from the sky…less pieces to pick up and put back together…get help and support, if needed…and keep on… going on…

Always trying to fix myself is such an anguishing endeavor…and it robs me of each precious moment of life…tethering my line is critical to releasing that stress…creating an anchor point…repetition being the key…”stitch by stitch”…

Our brains only seem able to hardwire one new habit at a time…and “big” towering changes such as losing an enormous, colossus, immense amount of weight is weighty and overwhelming …we get frustrated with not seeing any significant changes…we lose desire and interest in working toward attaining the mountain of a goal…

My brain loses interest quickly…so what is the solution…miniature goals..small attainable goals that achievement feels effortless and routinely…every time that we achieve those itty bitty readily attainable goals (say walk 30 minutes 5x a week)..we get this dopamine rush (the feel-good hormone)… and adrenaline ( the energy hormone)… creating an upward wind draft where we feel motivated and have the energy to achieve more…kinda cool, right

This achievement of smaller incremental goals will create a synergy of dopamine and adrenaline in the brain associated with the behavior that will enable us to ride this wave in a positive upward spiral of repetition over time…
https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/328407

A win-win …Walking (any exercise)producing its own rewards…”Exercise reduces levels of the body’s stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. It also stimulates the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain .reducing stress https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/exercising-to-relax“..

First forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not.
Octavia Butler

I have a goal of walking and/or exercising 6 days a week…_{Afterall, even God} _{rested one day}…10, 15 or 30 minutes…if nothing else is attainable for the day…I walk the dog and the husband😄…with an added benefit is being in nature…and finding flowers to take photographs of…

We have done this for several years and it is a critical component in scaling this mountain…an anchoring habit…

Eating the same breakfast has made the journey less stressful…not having to think about what to eat…I know what keeps me satiated longer…a small variety of fruit that I keep in the house for me…I eat only 1 fruit a day…dinner has more variety to alleviate the boredom…and I am not usually in a rush to do or be somewhere…

Tracking what I eat daily…keeps me aware…

Work in progress…creating the habit of depending on my team…the nutritionist…the trainer…my friends and biggest supporter and fan Mr. P…there are challenging times…deep crevices that I have (and may) fall into…they are my anchors to keep me from falling deeper…to stop the fall as soon as possible and pull me out when I can’t seem to help myself…

“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time.”
―James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

*The best book on creating habits that I would suggest is Atomic Habits written by James Clear…if you were only going to read one book, this should be it…just a personal recommendation

Stitch by stitch…step by step…I will reach the goal…here’s to enjoying the journey…much love, laughter, and magic for your day❣

The Monsters Arise…

I never really felt the depth of loneliness before this month…I realize how separated I am from “normal “social interaction…and all the friends that I had to support me in the US…

It was a challenging time…during this month…we lost a woman that helped me clean…we didn’t really lose her…but she cannot work with the effects of the antivirals that she must take to stay alive…she has HIV…a mother with children…whose boyfriend died less than 6 months ago…how can I complain about anything… such as working hard …I have no such gauntlet to try and navigate daily…I would find her crying with no words to help her grief and pain…

It is excruciating as an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) living in South Africa…the poverty and hardship of the people in this land is everywhere…it is seen on every street corner…there is no hiding or turning a blind eye from it…

We do what we can…but there is no salvation and for most…there is no hope…no hope of a way out…no hope of redemption…

South Africa has the highest level of HIV in the world…which also contributes to the high rate of TB here…“In the 2019 Global TB report, the HIV co-infection rate among notified TB cases in South Africa was 59%, which highlights the continued importance of HIV to the TB epidemic.”…

I try to keep my perspective and live with gratitude for my many blessings…truthfully, it does not always alleviate my own pain that sometimes still feels overwhelming…

I knew that as I lost weight the trapped emotions would rise to the surface and must be dealt with…the angry hurt energy would arise and need to be released…and the tap opened this past week when I was at my lowest in mental and physical energy…and the world conspired to assist me in opening my eyes to what I need to let go of…

and it continues…on a daily basis right now…just as I try and stand back up from one hit…another missile hits my heart…my soul…and knocks me back down…and I used food the last few days to salve the wounds…more like soft blanket to cocoon myself in… carbohydrates are wonderful for releasing serotonin and dopamine to make you feel better for a moment… fat is such a wonderful insulator…

…this is not where I want to be…I knew that the faucet of emotions would be released…that this would be part of the process…but it would be wonderful to feel someone really understood…the fear…fear is such a dark, enveloping cloud that consumes even the will to live…

I want to be free…free from the shackles of the past…to be free to feel joy again…there was a time not too long ago when I felt loving…I had worked my way to a level of forgiveness and freedom that was full of peace…but now I must transverse this underground cavern…a sewer of black, smelly, and heavy cloying smells… (the trail up the mountain has gone underground)…

Living life…I know that if I continue forward that I WILL come through…I have never been able to get through this before…the tumultuous darkness…the “black night of the soul”…the demons of fear that tear at my soul…the pain that wracks every fiber in my being until I feel like I will pass out because I can’t bear it…

The only way through this murky, reeking cesspool of hideous and repugnant feelings is to feel every tendril of cold pain …look at each horrendous, ugly monster in the eye…acknowledge their existence… then watch as it dissolves into the mist…it may be a long journey…maybe not…I have no idea…but I am ready to slay the demons that have sucked the energy and joy from my life…

This is not the happiest of writings…but it is my “truth”…just in case…I’m not alone in fighting the monsters that have torn at your soul…

Lots of love, laughter and magic for your day…❣

“You cannot defeat darkness by running from it, nor can you conquer your inner demons by hiding them from the world. In order to defeat the darkness, you must bring it into the light.”
Seth Adam Smith, Rip Van Winkle and the Pumpkin Lantern

GOOD NEWS!!!! I went to the nutritionist and had lost the kilogram per week that was what was determined as appropriate for me…and all “fat”…no muscle at all…this was during a period that we had family stay with us…with get-together’s and parties…pat myself on the back🥇…no alcohol even…

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