#life-and-living – Page 5 – Threads of Thought

Braver. Stronger. And More Beautiful…

We can’t control what happens to us…but we can control how we handle it…

The next 6 months are a journey into the unknown for Mr. P & I…I thought seriously about not using this blog to document this journey…to only keep a private journal…but this blog was created to show that our life tapestry is beautiful…not in spite of… but because of the dark…

The dark skies that cause the stars to shine all the brighter…and that there is always hope…there is always the present🎁

And so I write…

The unknown is always the worst part of life…I think…Mr. P & I have lived long enough that we know how to prepare for the storms that we know are on the way…

Yet we were definitely not prepared for Mr. P to be the one to have any physical issues…no family history of serious issues…always very health conscious in eating and exercising…we had discussed the possibility of the “old age” aches and pains…and possible physical ailments…many…many years down the road…but not so soon…

It has been a whirlwind from the first knowledge of the tumor to surgery…waiting for genetic DNA diagnosis of the tumor…listening to the oncologist tell us that that it was a stage 4 type of cancer…that all the visible cancer had been removed…chemo only needed to remove any floating residual cells… another surgery for implanting the port…waiting for that to heal…seeing nurses…making appointments…

51 Days…8 weeks…2 months…no matter how you count it…such a long time…such a short time…

So much to be grateful for…that the tumor was found before it spread any further…that the doctors Mr. P had were exceptional…love and support of family…and our faith…we are blessed beyond measure…I try and stay in that place…I definitely not perfected that spiritual attribute yet…

The first chemo treatment was today…and they found that his port was blocked…so the beginning already seems to have began with step backwards…

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

I look out the window as I wait to hear something..anything…and even the skies seem to be weeping today…

“Spirituality is not to be learned by flight from the world, or by running away from things, or by turning solitary and going apart from the world. Rather, we must learn an inner solitude wherever or with whomsoever we may be. We must learn to penetrate things and find God there.”
― Meister Eckhart

An X-ray showed that there was a hole in the catheter…now we wait…the doctor is out until Monday…not positive if the port needs to be replaced…which would mean another surgery…another two weeks before the chemo can begun again…

All in the midst of an increase of Covid cases…

Yet…the colored threads still travel through the minutes and hours of our days

Last night we had a beautiful chat with his son and his girlfriend via Skype who are living in France…it was my first time meeting them…and it was light hearted and fun talking of religion…philosophy…….

We are having a dinner with Mr. P’s sister and her husband in a couple of days…able to keep up with the rest of the kids via WhatsApp…everyone is healthy…we recently had our second pleasurable excursion here in town…and so much more…we are blest beyond any imaginable measure…

But most of all…our love threads the tapestry with such unbelievable colors of happiness…I am so appreciative of every moment that I have with this man who stole my heart…I waited a long time for this love and this is not going to be the end of our story…

Even when he drives me crazy…He is always my biggest support and my number one fan… he cuddles with me…He never fails to wipe my tears away…We respect each other, even when we disagree with one another…I never have to question his love for me…and❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣

**and we will keep holding on…till the end of time**

The Balancing Act

What started out to to be a slightly anxiety producing event morphed into an exceptionally magnificent morning…

Mr. P and I had been tossing the idea of taking a whale and dolphin watching cruise since I arrived…well…even before…since my son-in-law showed me the videos of the jackass penguins and their true-to-life sound of a braying donkeyhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVF9F28SY4c…so belly laughing hilarious🤣to watch…

In an effort to keep my social skills from totally atrophying I joined a photographic club…this happened to be their first ‘outing’ that I decided to join…Mr. P became a member too…on account that I haven’t learned to drive on the left side of the road with a left-handed stick shift… and sharing the road with crazy drivers and he makes me feel safer…my own personal bodyguard😎…seriously, it was more about being to be able to share the things that we both enjoy…

We were anticipating a distraction from the current situation that we are experiencing at the moment…although surgery had gone well…the previous day’s appointment to the oncologist was difficult for me…a reminder of the anguish inflicted on the the lives of 46 family members who had fought the same darkness and the few who survived it’s aggressive assault on their lives…and the special one❤ who lives with the presence of the gene that she carries with her every day of her life…

It started the night before…the combination of a glass of wine and seasick pills laid me out me out quicker than Tyson’s 90 second knockout…I could not keep my eyes open for anything…and at 8:30 gave it up…Mr. P did promise not to tell the kids that I wasted the night sleeping😂…

The morning dawned and set off early…the early night definitely helped to being “bright-eyed and bushy tailed”…with slight apprehensions about being accepted into the group…being the new kid on the block and an American to-boot…we set out to expand my knowledge of the marine life here in Algoa Bay, Port Elizabeth…it still feels so unbelievable to live so close to all of this miraculous splendor of nature…

The sea was flat and calm after a few days of winds…yet trying to walk gracefully on a narrow floating pontoon bridge was not an easy feat for me…like navigating life (particularly in our now)…finding balance is most important…

Balancing Family Life Through Uncertainty | Resilient Educator — Dr. Seuss said it best…

By the time I got to the boat, evidently I still hadn’t found my balance…Lost my sandal climbing up the boxes to get into the boat…I tried so hard to look like I knew what I was doing…to be elegant and graceful…put the camera bag on the seat…gave my hand to the owner of the boat and most gracefully lifted my leg over the side and promptly my sandal flew off and landed on the floor of the boat…

“It’s about finding that balance where you have one foot in the familiar, one foot in the unfamiliar.
If you have two feet in the unfamiliar it’s overwhelming….

― Humble the Poet

oh, well…I was too excited to dwell on it for long…living in the moment…not the past or the imagined future is a critical component to balancing the good and bad in life for us right now…

… this day was going to be a positive memory in our lives…

And it was/and is…the postcard perfect day… weather was cooperating fully…acres of bright blue canvas of sky with puffs of white magic…blown with playful gentle breezes…what more could I ask for…

…but it was just the beginning…I became lost in the enchantment of the sea…

“The heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too” ~Vincent van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent van Gogh
…and so are our lives

Such a incredible day…warm ocean painted memories to cherish and hold within my heart❤

I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Watchin’ the tide, roll away
I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Wastin’ time ~Otis Redding

..the white heaven bound birds reminding my soul to glide freely from the fear and a wave of sweet earthly joy and hope for the future began to dance…

…with all my love and wishes for magic🎈 and laughter in your life

~Renée

*Special shout-out to Raggy Charters for this beautiful cruise experience

Women Who Roar…

For miles a grey drizzly morning had followed us to our destination…I slumped a little glumly in the front of the 4×4 we had rented…I had been excitedly waiting to give my new telephoto lens a whirl…

With a couple of hours to kill before we were able to get into the cabin…we started driving with no particular end in mind…clouds blanketing the skies …the windshield speckled with drizzle…there were no expectations that we would catch a glimpse of any animal that I would be able to photograph that dreary early afternoon…

Dreamy and picturesque landscapes pulled me from my doldrums…I sat up and became lost in the the mountain highlands and rolling undulating plains…the tall colorful rippling grasslands of the Karoo provided a magical solace that soothed the soul…erasing the grumpiness that I had felt with the disappointment of the less than perfect sunshiny day I had requested…

…and then like a well played magic trick…”poof” they appeared…as if the ladies had been patiently waiting on the sidelines for us to arrive…two splendidly graceful lionesses emerged from the tall grasses sauntering in front of the vehicle as if taking us on a tour…

Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Albert Camus

It was a most incredible show that they put on for us…the younger one showing off…dancing on the outcropping of rocks…hiding among the sparse tree line, scrubby bushes and tall golden grasses that almost hid her unless you were aware…

The mother was sedate in her ambling…letting the younger take center stage…content in just ‘being’…yet she was always aware of where her daughter was and where they were on their search for either intruders to their territory or any potential food that might be available…

The social structure of the pride hinges around the bond between related lionesses, who collaborate in all tasks, from raising cubs to hunting.
http://www.krugerpark.co.za/Kruger_National_Park_Wildlife-travel/kruger-park-wildlife-lions.html

Their journey together was a reminder that…

…although no one can walk our path for us…when the blackness of our night presses against the skin…and the very horror of life and fear freezes the blood in our veins…the presence of those who choose to walk beside imbues us with the courage to keep perservering…in spite of it all…

My Mr. P had major surgery a few weeks ago…totally unexpected…the sunlight, magic and warmth of our world instantly spiraled into a deep dark nothingness…alone in a new country and culture…without even the ability to be together… to visit or even talk with each other…he was beside me and then he was gone…my world disappeared…

I felt his absence…cold, isolated and alone

they came…the beautifully strong, powerful and nurturing women…to walk beside me in support…the magic of their fortitude and courage flowing into my shrunken and shriveled soul…

The lioness pair that I photographed at Mountain Zebra were such an incredible example of that “sisterhood” bond…

With all my heart❣…A special thank you to all the wonderful beautiful souls that roar in their own right and chose to walk beside me…I am forever eternally grateful…

🎈Sent with love, laughter and magic for your day!

The Dark Path…

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

…the sun still rises…the birds still sing their sweetest of songs.. my chest still rises and falls with every breath…even as the dark emotional pain assaults and then shatters even my willingness to walk another step on the path called “life”…my insides wet with all the unshed tears that drown my soul…

Yet…the threads of fear, pain and heartbreak are threaded throughout the history of the world and connects us with the whole of humanity…

…A friend who was unable to be with her husband during his heart surgery and now works 16 hour days at a fire camp to support for wildland firefighters…an young and gifted Zimbabwean who lives in a sanctioned country trying to find a way out…another gifted young man who writes deeply thought-provoking philosophical essays and worries about the cost of the future…a retired couple walking into the unknown adventures of finding work in another country…

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams” ~Edgar Allen Poe

Our humanness is so limiting…this era that we live in so often tries to foster self-reliance…believing that we are the masters of our own destinies…yet part of being a “mere mortal” means that we will not miss facing adversity…challenges and troubles…Life is so often rich with it’s deep and dark experiences…

There is a really deep well inside me. And in it dwells God. Sometimes I am there, too … And that is all we can manage these days and also all that really matters: that we safeguard that little piece of You, God, in ourselves. —Etty Hillesum, Westerbork transit camp

We live stitch by stitch in these uncertain times…often fixating on the whole tapestry…only see the knots and mishmash of threads…the stitching seems crude and often feels like it is completely unraveling…forgetting the Master Weaver sees the completed Masterpiece that He is creating…

My experiences have given me roots of strength in knowledge that I am strong and the my God is stronger…yet still…doubt sows its seeds in the fertile soil of my mind and burrows deep…the dread of the unknown blossoming like pernicious dandelions that stubbornly refused to be alleviated…endlessly looping…tenaciously intruding

The Grace of Endurance is the at Work of God in Our Lives…may I live to leave distinctive footprints of tenacity…bravery and fortitude for those that follow…

I find that along these paths of darkness there is always light waiting to be seen by our daunted hearts…

In this darkness there are moments of beauty in the most unexpected ways…take the joy you find in the day…carry them in your memories…the nights the fire sang in the depth of all it’s colors…enchanting and mesmerizing with it’s unchoreographed fiery dancing…finger’s intertwined in love…

“One word
Frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.”
― Sophocles

Be kind to those you meet today…spread the light of love and care…for if not today…one day you will need that same light to shine for you❣

Much love for your journey…dusted with laughter and a little magic…xxx

And Suddenly You Know…

Photo by Chris Moore on Unsplash

…And suddenly you know that it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings…

Now a year of memories after arriving here in South Africa…Dedicated to the Love of my Life…Mr. P…A remembering of our first meeting…Atlanta, Georgia

Superbowl LIII…the American football championship was being played for the first time at the Mercedes-Benz stadium the day of my arrival in Atlanta… February 3, 2019…

When our first meeting was planned…it happened to fall on the day of the biggest and most grandiose sporting event of the year…Atlanta, Georgia in 2019…that fact did not even register with me in the slightest…not being a sports aficionado in the very least…I know…I know… a cardinal sin…especially in the Midwest…

American sports…all this booing…drunkenness…dressing in spandex suits…irate fans spending hours defending their favorite athletes…noisy plastics horns that make the decibel level unbearable for everyone…subjecting themselves to the unbearable tortures of cold and heat…yelling at the television as though that’s going to help change a score or motivate their teams…start fires when they win…slaves to superstitions…

I digress…Driving into the 9th largest city in the US…Atlanta…my heart began to stumble over it’s own rhythm…my gut started to knot into a ball of tight rubber bands…thoughts swirling into a vortex of irrational thoughts…concentrate…I had to concentrate on finding the Airbnb that P. had booked for me…

The closer I got to the address that I had been given…the more I started to panic…questioning whether I was even headed in the correct direction…receiving quite few curious looks while circling the neighborhood block again and again…

Feeling like a Martian on Venus would be an apt description of the confusion I felt in trying to locate the entrance to the apartment complex…kept going around and around…and around…I know that I am directionally challenged…but still…this was ridiculous…so I admitted to myself that I wasn’t going to come out well in the search and gave up and called…

I had no expectations…mentally picturing something such as a “Bed and Breakfast” type of place…I had never stayed at an Airbnb before…the photos of the room were simple yet clean…the host claimed that the place had “good vibes”…and it was afterall the Superbowl…

I found the entrance and my stomach fell to the floorboard and then out the door…hanging unto the bumper as I traversed the empty cracked grey parking lot between the sordidly dingy red apartment buildings…everything that your mind conjurs up when the term “ghetto” is used…

Pulling into a parking space…I reluctantly sat…resisting leaving my car where I feared that I would return to find nothing but the black shell of the remains…

…slowly I opened my car door and transcended the rickedly narrow black staircase to the second story and timidly knocked on the flaking back door…

The door was opened and I entered a small kitchen that was stacked littered with a hodge podge of items…kitchen utensils…counters of food…not a great first impression…

…the hostess…pleasant enough…soothing my jitters just a tad with her few pleasantries as she showed me to my room at the end of the short dark hall…

Airbnb Photo
Actual Accomodation

…In a manner of minutes…it became peripheral to the knowledge that I was going to meet Mr. P soon…would there be any “chemistry” or just a budding “friendship” that would fade with time and distance…there was no way that I could figure out the answer…I had tallied everything I knew and had felt during our year long emails sent and received…the Whatapp messages and photographs…the voice memo’s that had continued to intrique me over time…I had been incapable of calculating the end result…

…I sat at the edge of the bed and my hope…and made the call that I had arrived and was settled in…we made a date to have our first supper togather…I felt my heart beating in my throat…the unquenched life long desire for a true romance bubbled through the long lonely years…surfacing in tremors and fear of just another huge disappointment…hope springs eternal they say…maybe…possibly…

Waiting was an eternity…but the knock at the door came…

I remember that he seemed to fill the doorway…tall and handsome…nicely fitted jeans…just like I like…

As natural as the sun rises and sets…he opened his arms and I ran into them…Time stopped…and then he wrapped his arms around me…and for the first time in my life…I was home…he was the place that I had searched for all my life…

Everything dimmed and fell away…this is where I was supposed to be…

“It is a splendid thing to think that the woman you really love will never grow old to you. Through the wrinkles of time, through the mask of years, if you really love her, you will always see the face you loved and won. And a woman who really loves a man does not see that he grows old; he is not decrepit to her; he does not tremble; he is not old; she always sees the same gallant gentleman who won her hand and heart. I like to think of it in that way; I like to think that love is eternal. And to love in that way and then go down the hill of life together, and as you go down, hear, perhaps, the laughter of grandchildren, while the birds of joy and love sing once more in the leafless branches of the tree of age.”
― Robert Ingersoll, The Liberty Of Man, Woman And Child

Metamorphosis

In life…transformations of our life can sometimes happen suddenly…but much of the transition of ourselves happens in stages and phases…each change adding depth, color and character to our life tapestry…

Twelve months of magical slowing down..resting…rejuvenation of body, soul and spirit…being rebuilt…listening to myself and relearning and learning what is important to me during this chapter of life…

Metamorphosis Morale in 2020 | Metamorphosis quotes, Butterfly ...

Lately I have felt stagnated…”itchy” like when damaged skin in healing…shedding old ways and beliefs that no longer feel comfortable to my authentic self…my experiences are changing the dimensions of my self- perception…

The greatest gift you have to give is your own self-transformation.
~Lao Tzu

…so much going on here…right now…lots of home renovation being done…torn foot ligaments…finding a photography club to be involved in…writing…Mr. P’s 3+ engineering projects…relationship time…friends and family…cooking…cleaning..business accounting…need to create a business website…and self-care…exercising…and..and…they are all things that I absolutely love doing…yet feeling overwhelmed…

When I start feeling overwhelmed…exhausted mentally….I start shutting down…and don’t get anything accomplished…I had a wonderful reminder the other day that no one can do everything at once…she said to find what gives my heart joy…what a brilliant place to start…

…But I love it all…mostly creative expressions and pursuits in one way or another (lol…cleaning would be the exception)…back to the drawing board… prioritize...time is always a factor in our human existence…so limited and precious…as much as I would like to think I am super woman…it’s only in my head and very debilitating to the body and soul…

What should take preeminence…what are my current top 5 Life Priorities…

Priority #1 – Health…the primary focus is on losing weight and obtaining my optimum BMI…I have lost over 50 lbs….but still have 38% of my current weight to lose…

This is at the top of my list because without health…there is nothing…

“Maintaining a good health is the biggest investment that you could ever make, because without it, a lot of things in life would become impossible.”
― Edmond Mbiaka

If I am healthy…I have space in my heart and mind to enjoy everything else…I have the world at my fingertips…full of possibilities…I can do anything I want in life. I can enjoy my family to the fullest, I can love my friends and my man with intent and purpose…

Priority #2 – Relationships…most specifically Family…whether blood, out-laws and in-laws…employees and friends…the people who are our anchors and life jackets in the rough waters…the bond of love and joy in sharing each others lives..those who accept us as we are with all our foibles…those who believe and support us…

When my story eventually reaches its end, there are people that I would like to look back with. I hope to be able to look back at this life with this family I have surrounded myself and know that I was loved and that I am leaving a legacy of love in the hearts and lives of this family…

Priority #3 – Adventure/Life Experiences…always been an adventurer… opportunity to see the world, to meet new people, to learn about myself and to squeeze every bit of life out of this adventure around the sun...traveling and spending time in nature

Priority #4 – Creativity…creativity in all of its forms makes me feel sparkly and light up my spirit…even when it’s sanding baseboards to repaint…peeling and chopping miles of vegetables to make a delicious meal…spending an hour hunting for that “just right” synonym…taking millions of photographs in the hopes I can have just the “right” viewpoint/story to share…

Priority #5 – Self Development/Learning…Learning…just learning something that I never knew before is exciting…Personal Development…becoming the best version of who I was created to be…

I remember reading this quote many years ago and thinking that I want to leave everything that I came into this earth to share…not holding back anything…

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.” – Les Brown

…but rather arriving empty at the pearly gates being a good steward of the gifts that I was given…

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967

…which brings me to the changes that I thinking of making within my blog…my yearly subscription is almost due for renewal…I thought I would delete the account and take some time off from writing…thereby reducing the list of things to currently focus on…

I found that I was just writing on another site…so that wasn’t going to be a solution…spending 4 or 5 hours per blog is a big chunk out of my day…so now what…

Changing the format or length of personal essays…making this more of a journaling platform…

I hope that you will stay with me during these changes…

...sent with magic, laughter and tons of love

Dedicated to the Mr. P

“Walk with me through life and I’ll have everything I need for the journey.”

‘n Warm Welkom

Hi! Welcome to my day. With all my heart…I am so warmly pleased that you stopped by…how have you been?

Please come…sit…it’s been awhile and I have missed you so…may I offer you a cup of coffee or tea to snuggle your hands around and comfort your fingers… this sunny yet cool South African winter day…

Perhaps a fresh baked blueberry scone with your coffee…It’s my first experiment with baking scones…you must honestly tell me what you think…I was just so extremely excited that they didn’t metamorphose into green something or other…like the first time I attempted to make blueberry pancakes…another story…a long time ago…

It has been almost a year now that I have stepped off the plane in Johannesburg…ready to taste this most unbelievably delicious chapter of my life’s adventures…weaving new and incomparably delicious colors into my life’s tapestry…unfamiliar fresh colors that I could never have envisioned…

joy of life always comes in our encounters with new experiences

Like Alice in Wonderland…I arrived…not knowing which way to go…I’ve sat quietly and contemplated in the precious stillness…breathed deeply of salty ocean air..climbed hills and mountains. (both literally and figuratively)…heard the musical falling petals of the morning songs of the birds like every shade of spring flowers…contemplated the shimmering undulating pool reflections on the ceiling as the sun slowly and reverently kissed the sky…making it blush in rosy hues…

Cried softly…sobbed hysterically…dreamed…loved…been loved…tucked friends in my heart…warmed with memories… been blessed with new family…some accepting and some not…laughed…smiled…and every emotion and feeling in between…

“Every day God invites us on the same kind of adventure. It’s not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us. God asks what it is He’s made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers, “Let’s go do that together.”
― Bob Goff

Come sit with me awhile…we will sit in silence until the words flow easily and effortlessly…we can talk about the simple nothings…here where it is quiet and calm…rest with me for awhile…tell me what you feel and we will embrace it together…

Thank you for stopping by…please leave with me some of the happiness you bring…

I would enjoy hearing from you…what conversations would you enjoy having…

…Con mucho amor, risas y magia para tu vida…with much love, laughter and magic for your life

~Renee’

Day 323…The Color Blue

I love the color blue…a symbol of harmony…peace and relaxation…calmness and serenity…it is sky and water…

I had been basking in the warmth of the placid cerulean blue sea of my life here in South Africa…unaware that a incoming squall would send me into the cold depth of the sea of life…again

There had been some choppy waters…now and then…but nothing that had thrown me overboard…but an unknown storm had been a-brewing…

There had been a whispering in the air…but I thought I had only imagined it…I told myself that it was only the haunting of long dead ghosts…no need for preparation…

…clouds had started to gather…the cocktail blue sky had started to darken to the cold blue gray of hard stone…the light nuzzling breeze burgeoning into a huffing wind that started to roll my boat from side to side…

Uneasiness started enveloping…fingers whitened with the tightness of the fear gripping my heart…the sea began to churn and bubble like a witch’s cauldron… in the tranquility and serenity of my life now I had repressed the knowledge that storms are an inevitable part of life…

A mountainous swell rose from the depth of nothingness and darkened the sky… my little boat hovered for a moment at the peak of the wave…the squeak of the timber prophesying that my doom was inevitable…

First up waves at forty-five degrees, and then crashed down jarring my bones…spinning my only refuge sideways.. then rolled over on its side…over board…swallowed whole…I sank for a moment…and with all the strength that I had…I came to the surface…spitting…sputteringgulping in hope…the boat had righted itself… I bobbed back to the surface…fear froze my stomach…despair filled with every struggling gulp…

So so tired…tired of the struggle…drowning is a quiet thing…it becomes peaceful…it’s just a letting go…the darkness starts slowly enveloping the senses…the coldness that becoming warmer…wrapping itself gently… thoughts and memories ebb away as I slowly sank to the bottom…to the place of nothingness…letting the darkness overtake me…one more time…

“I am in that temper that if I were under water I would scarcely kick to come to the top.”
― John Keats

Yet in this soothing quietness… there is a shadowy light shining through the ever changing dusky dark blue of the water…it danced with a delicate hope…

Quietly beckoning my heart to beat one more time…the warmth of the memories of those that I love and those who love and need me…the glow of gratitude for the delightful experiences that dwell within my memories…and the warm anticipation of the future adventures…gives me just enough strength to do what I need to do to come to the surface…

I painfully and deliberately chose to rise…the dancing shimmering light beckoned…the magical sensation of a new day as I burst through the heaviness of the depression danced within…

The Storm had passed…and I survived

“REMEMBER YOUR GREATNESS

Before you were born,
And were still too tiny for
The human eye to see,
You won the race for life
From among 250 million competitors.
And yet,
How fast you have forgotten
Your strength,
When your very existence
Is proof of your greatness.
You were born a winner,
A warrior,
One who defied the odds
By surviving the most gruesome
Battle of them all.
And now that you are a giant,
Why do you even doubt victory
Against smaller numbers,
And wider margins?
The only walls that exist,
Are those you have placed in your mind.
And whatever obstacles you conceive,
Exist only because you have forgotten
What you have already
Achieved.

Poetry by Suzy Kassem”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Day 277…Lock Down & Locked Up with Mr. P

Husband wife fighting (With images) | Funny marriage pictures — **…And the good news is…we haven’t killed each other yet…**

In this liminal space between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’…not quite knowing how to navigate this ‘in between’ space…hurtling across that void of unknowing…this is the space that most of us are occupying at the moment…

Anxious, uncertain and kind-of-scared…isolated from my children and grandchildren in a time of global crisis…and forced proximity with Mr. P…

Now self isolation and sheltering in place…Oh my! this is where I find… My state of bliss

Cooped up 24/7….how would this affect our blooming relationship..like any 2-way street…still under construction…and no space in our togetherness…

In the 9 months that I have been here in South Africa…every morning Mr. P ascends his White Steed and trots off into the frey of the battle in his work-a-day life…

Our budding love had been so incredibly sweet and beautiful…like a blooming garden…every day I found a new delight…of course, there have been a few weeds and bugs we have encountered…but just enough to add a little interest and never enough to detract from the joy and pleasure of this relationship…

I was curious as to how the quarantine would alter our dynamics…

There have been a couple of strategies that I know have been instrumental in ‘surviving’ during this stressful time…and even ‘thriving’ during this unsteady, uncomfortable, anxiety -ridden time…

#1. We kept a half-way standard routine…coffee in bed and enjoyed the lazy morning hours to just revel in the warmth of the morning sun and each other…Mr. P caught us up on on the news, while I shared all hilarious memes and beautiful photography before starting the day…and then out of bed and dressing in something other than sweats…gives a small sense of normalcy…

Celebrated Mr. P’s birthday in lock down…with chocolate cake and everything

#2. Exercise and eating healthy…regular meals…Alcohol and chocolate loudly called and tells me that it can fix everything…yet sanity reminds me that cabin fever is not solved with ‘junk’ food…and exercise gives a wonderful boost to the immune system…not being allowed to exercise outside of the home Mr. P runs around the outside of the house for 20-30 minutes every day (the dog thinks his peeps have gone off their flipping rocker)…my preference is on-line exercise programs…

#3. We respect each other’s time and space when needed…when we needed time to work on our individual interests or personal projects…we went to our respective corners…

#4. Completed projects around the house…ahhhh…the sense of accomplishment is a great boost of ‘feel-good’…creating loveliness in our world that does not feel so lovely right now…

TOP 25 GRATITUDE FOR FRIENDS QUOTES | A-Z Quotes

#4. and Gratitude…for me, it’s always about the gratitude for what we have…each other…and the moment

How are you striving to maintain health and sanity during this interval of time? Would adore to know how you keep your life filled with magic, laughter and love during this upheaval in your space …what good things have been awakened in your life…

Day 263…Taking the Leap

And then you knew…

“And suddenly you know: it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings.”

~Meister Eckart

On February 2, 2019 I left the safe haven of a small country town called Scottsburg to head for the big city of Atlanta Georgia…451 miles to contemplate what our time together would look like…

Although we corresponded daily… but Port Elizabeth is approximately 7 hours ahead of Scottsburg, Indiana…so while Mr. P was eating supper after work…I was in the middle of my work day…although we corresponded daily…it was normally in voice memos that we sent to each other…we hadn’t really spoken to each other in real time…which had it’s advantages and disadvantages…

Voice memos made it easy to say what I wanted to say in an uncomplicated and tranquil method…there was never any pressure at that point…just a simple flow of words…no thinking of how Mr. P was going to respond…and for him it was the same…

However, that was also a disadvantage…if there was something difficult to discuss or if I was unhappy about something…then I had to wait another 24 hours for a response…and that often felt like waiting on “pins and needles”…

The few phone calls that we had actually been able to experience had felt awkward and far more uncomfortable than the ease and depth of our voice memos to each other would have indicated…

https://unsplash.com/@alex_andrews

and therefore…the solitary two day journey to Atlanta had questions bouncing around in my head like kids on a trampoline…and like kids…it was an exercise in futility in stopping them…

Mid-afternoon on a cold February day…I reached the Tennessee border

Tennessee…the country music capitol of the world…the 16th state to enter the union…The Great Smoky Mountains National Park is the most visited national park in the United States…and Tennessee Whiskey…

The American Civil War made a huge impact on Tennessee, with large armies constantly destroying its rich farmland, and every county witnessing combat. It was a divided state, with the Eastern counties harboring pro-Union sentiment throughout the conflict, and it was the last state to secede from the Union, in protest at Lincoln’s call for troops. It also provided more regiments to the Union than every other Confederate state combined. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tennessee_in_the_American_Civil_War

Mr. P was interested in the Midwest States…although he had lived in the North-East and traveled to the US almost every year… he had not really seen this part of the country…so the 10 day journey that we decided on would take us from Atlanta…back through to Tennessee…and onto to Kentucky and Indiana…whether in silence or conversation…we had yet to find out…

It was a brave thing to do with someone that I had only spoken to on the phone…from halfway across the world…but then I have never been one for following conventional rules…where was the fun in that…

“I wondered about the explorers who’d sailed their ships to the end of the world. How terrified they must have been when they risked falling over the edge; how amazed to discover, instead, places they had seen only in their dreams.”
― Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care

Curiosity beckoned…expectation rising…I climbed back behind the steering wheel…turned the music up…hopping back onto that monotony of the interstate, exit signs and mile markers…the future…a misty unknowing…full of uncertainty and obscure dreams…

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: