Waiting is the Difficult Part…until you breathe

“Patience is power.

Patience is not an absence of action;

rather it is “timing”

it waits on the right time to act,

for the right principles

and in the right way.”

Fulton J. Sheen

Never one for being patient …it has seemed waiting for the therapist…waiting for healing …it has seemed that all I have been doing lately is waiting …and waiting …and …I think you get the point…

But the choice was to do things differently this time …to make lasting changes …to become the become a Master of my own life …and so it is …life itself has a timing …Edmund Burke said, “Our patience will achieve more than our force.”

“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” ~Arnold H. Glasow

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” ~John Quincy Adams

I am learning a different type of waiting …Yet, waiting itself can be extraordinary …I spent a great deal of wasted time not enjoying the moments of where I was …waiting for the thin version …the healthier version …to have an extraordinary magical moment where my fairy godmother would appear and make everything a perfect fairytale …or at least my version of one

I love this thought from Shauna Niequist, “Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. It takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies.” …yet each moment that we stop, live, and breathe “the moment” …the small “glowing pearl” that we skip over becomes a luminous wonder that is so enthralling that we can get lost and captivated by …afterwards tucking it away in our memories to pull out on less than spectacular days to brighten and warm our hearts …

As I wait for eye to heal …my second cataract surgery …it is a most miraculous Christmas present …wearing glasses since I was 8 years old …to be able to write these words without glasses slipping down my nose is a wonderment that makes my thoughts bubble …I am blessed

As I wait for my sessions with my therapist to help me grow and change …to wait for the prognosis on whether I might have Adult ADHD …as I wait for the medicine to clear my infection …there are many blessed and gracious moments that I could just let pass by and miss all the abundant blessings that surround me …

A loving husband that is supportive even though all the gunk of my life now …loving kids and grandkids that I will soon get to visit in about 6 weeks …finally after three years we get to fly home …and in sounding really dorky …the smell of the banana bread that I’m baking …here in South Africa, I see daily those that would be grateful to have that opportunity to enjoy …

Like the beautiful kudu that I was able to photograph just enjoying the morning rays …I too will sit and enjoy the moments …

The current plan is to fast the mornings …my therapist said that it was greatly beneficial and on most mornings, I am contented and not hungry till later in the day (which not everyone can do) …and it will help to start controlling the number of calories that I eat …doesn’t feel like a lot …but with the walking it is a healthy part to the lifestyle…

I was really surprised at her reaction (yes, my therapist is a woman) when after I said that I “hated” being overweight and went on about being beautiful and thin …her comment was “can’t voluptuous women be beautiful” …still chewing on that one …

I just feel healthier and happier at a lower weight …but does my obsession with a number on the scale detract from my joy of life …at the moment, it is a “yes”…something I am working on is loving myself where I’m at …the stress itself … the hormone cortisol is a huge factor in not losing weight …so science would seem to indicate …

Focusing on enjoying the treasures of the moment …the wonderfulness of just “being” …it’s a nice feeling not worrying …something I’ve spent my life doing …patiently waiting for life to beckon me further …

I cannot say it better than the quote from Shauna Niequist ….sending all the love, beauty and magic that your life can hold …❣

Beauty of the Quiet

“believe that this way of living, this focus on the present, the daily, the tangible, this intense concentration not on the news headlines but on the flowers growing in your own garden, the children growing in your own home, this way of living has the potential to open up the heavens, to yield a glittering handful of diamonds where a second ago there was coal. This way of living and noticing and building and crafting can crack through the movie sets and soundtracks that keep us waiting for our own life stories to begin, and set us free to observe the lives we have been creating all along without ever realizing it.

I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting.

The Heisman Trophy winner knows this. He knows that his big moment was not when they gave him the trophy. It was the thousand times he went to practice instead of going back to bed. It was the miles run on rainy days, the healthy meals when a burger sounded like heaven. That big moment represented and rested on a foundation of moments that had come before it.

I believe that if we cultivate a true attention, a deep ability to see what has been there all along, we will find worlds within us and between us, dreams and stories and memories spilling over. The nuances and shades and secrets and intimations of love and friendship and marriage an parenting are action-packed and multicolored, if you know where to look.

Today is your big moment. Moments, really. The life you’ve been waiting for is happening all around you. The scene unfolding right outside your window is worth more than the most beautiful painting, and the crackers and peanut butter that you’re having for lunch on the coffee table are as profound, in their own way, as the Last Supper. This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. But pull of the mask and you will find your life, waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted.

Your life, right now, today, is exploding with energy and power and detail and dimension, better than the best movie you have ever seen. You and your family and your friends and your house and your dinner table and your garage have all the makings of a life of epic proportions, a story for the ages. Because they all are. Every life is.

You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a soul worth tending, and beyond that, the God of the universe dwells within you, the true culmination of super and natural.

You are more than dust and bones.

You are spirit and power and image of God.

And you have been given Today.”

― Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

Not My Monkey…Not My Circus

I almost laughed out loud when my therapist spoke those words aloud…I had been upset because I had been trying to control something/someone that I had no control over…being an Empath has always muddied the waters by feeling the emotions of others …always devoting my precious energy to trying to thinking, ruminating over and over …trying to control situations that I had no business trying to manage…partly to make everyone happy and in part, trying to control out of fear …an old childhood trauma reaction

“Not my circus” is code: you are not the ringmaster here. You can watch the show, and certainly decide whether you stay in that tent, but you cannot control what happens there. Learning which circus is yours can diminish your stress remarkably. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/depression-management-techniques/201412/not-my-circus-not-my-monkeys

Just love that passage…Backing off and relaxing the grip on the need to control everything and everybody within my sphere of influence feels like taking gulping in a huge breath of air after I’ve been holding my breath for eons…or what feels like eons

It’s never to late to learn better ways to navigate life…even if I was told that it’s “a little late to be learning” how to travel this plain of existence in a slightly healthier manner …or in my case, I just want my life journey to be happier and more filled with joy with the time that I have available …much better way to be available to give love to those who need it than from a depressed and sad place …

The recent path has been passing rather rapidly …the time feels long when I am in the work but the last few weeks …a down hill runaway train feels like a more apt description …just raise my hands and scream …I heard you should do that on a roller coaster to release the fear😂

I realize that there is still a decent amount of work to do to step off the brakes of life …I’m still ok with that …progress is progress and any amount is going in the right direction …so on I go


“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.”

 J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

As I continue to work on becoming a more balanced empath and controlling my own circus of magical unicorns, dragons and friendly lions …not worrying about what I cannot control and shifting to what joyful life I can create …there is still the view of the mountain of losing weight in my sight…

I took a break for a few months to find some balance and work at removing the rocks and boulders that kept tripping me up …I’m ready to try again …a firm believer that when you’re ready the teacher comes or the path is revealed …this morning was an “aha” moment …

There are hundreds…thousands of ways that the diet industry and every “Tom, Dick and Harry” suggest is the best way to lose weight and be healthy …the scientific community changes it’s opinion right and left also …and I’ve tried almost every single one of them …ashamed of the money and energy seemingly wasted on the endeavor …past is past

Anyway…back to this morning …talking to my friend that has been struggling right along beside me …she told me about her sister that had lost over 100 pounds in less than a year …and about the same age bracket …a light blinked on…

I had been reading an Instagram account of a younger woman who had followed the same basic principles …but I was skeptical that it would work for a post menaposual woman …those pesky hormones and all that …but here was a perfect example that the simplest solution might be the answer …

Both of these women did the same basic things … 1) Each day when they reached their calorie allotment, they quit eating. No food restrictions or special types of food. 2) Exercise. One 30 minutes of treadmill walking and the other an hour of fast walking. No special equipment. Just moving. 3) Tracking weight…one recorded their weight daily and the other weighed once a week.

So that is the plan to start climbing again …I’m rather excited to see what I can do…70 days till home USA

“Wouldn’t it be powerful if you fell in love with yourself so deeply that you would do just about anything if you knew it would make you happy? This is precisely how much life loves you and wants you to nurture yourself. ~Alan Cohen

Sending the gift of love and laughter…a peaceful heart filled with joy and sprinkled with the magic of a life❣

Burning to Emerge…

When I started writing about my “climb up the mountain” of weight loss…there was nowhere in my wildest and crazy thought processes that I could envision where it would take me on my soul’s journey…

 “Don’t hoard the past. Don’t cherish anything. Burn it. The artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge.” – Janet Fitch.

This segment of the path is not completed…yet, I have come further than I would have imagined in a short about of time…

Tears have fallen like a molten lead flame…rising from a broken heart…sliding from beneath my eyelids…the soul rendering grief as I whimpered…sobbed convulsively…moaned…and cried seemingly endless tears…the agony of grieving hurts like hell as the saltwater of tears burns through the wounds… burning past chapters of my life…some I have saved and hold tight within my memories…most I am burning and letting go…“Even a spineless arthropod sheds what’s no longer useful and leaves it behind them. Are you not greater than they?” ― Jason Versey

 “Darling, you’re not falling apart. You’re getting rid of the pieces that no longer serve your purpose, this is a surgery of the spirit, and it can be painful as hell.”

Kalen Dion.

Excess weight has been a survival mechanism that I needed…and I find myself still “eating” as a means of grounding myself when the world “feels” overwhelming…why?

Being an empath is difficult and has often felt like a curse, more than a blessing…how do I explain what an empath is…it has become a more commonly accepted way of being…so much that neuroscientists and psychologists now accept and use the term…

“The term ‘Empath’ has become popular in recent years, often used to describe someone with a higher-than-normal degree of empathy. Empaths absorb others’ energy to the point where they feel like an ‘emotional sponge’. They do not have the filters most people do, and they seem to feel other people’s stress and feelings in their own bodies”https://eggshelltherapy.com/empath/

Probably brought on due to the trauma of my childhood wounding and “growing-up” years…it became a survival mechanism that I needed to have to tune in to how my narcissistic parent (which is also caused by his own childhood wound) was feeling so I could do what I needed to be “safe”… Being empathic makes it easier to notice other people’s emotions, thoughts, and feelings

I didn’t understand what was happening and as life progressed and I continued to draw narcissistic people into my life…the emotional load became too much…I always felt overwhelmed and not grounded in my own body….the food that I have craved…are heavier vibrationally dense…foods and drinks that are processed and lost all of their natural energy…alcohol, caffeine, dairy products, GMO foods like corn or soy, soft drinks, beverages with added sugar, wheat and products containing gluten, unhealthy fats and oils…the added weight adding an additional benefit …serving also as an added blanket of protection…both physically and emotionally…


“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”
― Anthon St. Maarten

So, what’s next on this journey…definitely continued healing…releasing the outdated offensive energy blocks (the pain and hurt) that I carried for years…and filling those empty spaces with more love…learning how to serve as an empath without losing my own identity…it is a process that I must be patient with and love myself through…

I had my first meeting with a psychologist last week to help guide me in this continuing expedition up the mountain…the first meeting was more about mapping out the journey of my life up until now …I was blessed to connect to the right one for me…her suggested reading was The Source written by a South African Tara Swart…“a neuroscientist and MIT lecturer that shows how science supports the Law of Attraction as a tool for discovering the authentic self”…

How synchronicitous is that…it is a rather exciting process for me…like the cage doors are opening and I can finally be free…do you have any idea of what even the thought of freedom means for the Aquarian freedom loving person🤣…like air…necessary

I haven’t lost any weight yet …but it really is ok…I will as I learn new skills to cope…and I know that my optimum weight is about 130…I have so many exciting things to look forward to…and losing the weight is just a fraction of the blessings that I am in anticipation of…

I choose to share the journey to be brave and bold …to view my scars is to know you are not alone …much love, joy, and magic for your day❣

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

 Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

There is a new story that will be written from the ashes of the old…

The Fork in The Road For the Empaths

Dear Empathic Soul

It is terribly challenging

to live with little or no filter;

To hear every drop of tears from near and far away;

To see human and non-human expressions of sorrow;

To every day have the world’s pain piercing through you;

To sensing the lies and hypocrisies when others don’t;

To feel trapped in your heightened sensitivity and perception.

At some point, you reached a fork in the road

where you had to decide:

Either to stay here with us, in this imperfect world, or you float up, dissociate, and leave.

I bet you have tried them all:

The spiritual bypassing, the closing down, the tuning out, the numbing using addictions, or dulling through drugs.

The desert offered transient tranquillity, but eventually led you down a path of emptiness, deep aloneness, meaninglessness and eventually,

despair.

Boredom is a result of fear—

It was all too edgy to sit with, so you left.

As you withdraw from the heartache, you also leave behind your hope and love.

At some point, you will reach another fork in the road

where you have to decide:

To stay, or to leave.

A yes or a no to the marriage with life.

The key to moving forward is ‘commitment’;

You either commit to being a part of humanity, or you divorce yourself from it all.

You might have thought that you were too weak, too porous, too soft

for such a commitment.

Yet something magical happens when you say ‘I do.’

The words clear your path, the intention gives you strengths.

How does this work?

By committing to staying with the world, you must also live with other people’s limitations and dysfunctions.

Then, you come face to face with your shadows and your own dysfunctional parts.

Your heart softens, and you learn the art of unconditional love and acceptance of yourself and others.

By committing to cohabiting a space with others, you deal with the daily irritants, inconvenience, and transgressions.

In doing so, you come to embrace life for what it is, rather than constantly trying to change it to the way you want it.

Eventually, you become strong.

With all the terrors comes glory.

As your commitment to the world ripens, it rewards you with richness, joy and strength.

So you were born an empath.

Where do you go from here?

Do you rise to the occasion, yield to the path that you were given,

let it shape you, and allow Life to use you as a vessel,

Or do you hide, shrink, and leave?

Ultimately, you root to rise

not because it is moral, or even particularly honourable,

But because it is the only way to go.

https://eggshelltherapy.com/empath

Walking the Path…

When I started writing about my weight loss journey…little did I know that it would take me through this dark journey…and never would have thought about sharing…but I do so in the hope that it may be a guiding star in someone else’s darkness…

I cry almost every day, right now …and often feel like I have no skin and my innermost being is raw … screaming internally with every breath of air…irrationally I am not depressed…I know that there is an end…this is only the beginning to a beautiful ending …this is the beauty of the darkness

 When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside – that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. 

Chase Brooks

The analogy that comes to mind is the treatment needed for third degree burns …my past traumas caused damage to the very depth of my being …I hadn’t realized the severity …I numbed the pain to survive…the best way I could …anaesthetizing the deep inner wounding and brokenness in whatever way I could manage… now the scar tissue must be scrubbed clean …and it hurts like the dickens …

Instinctively I knew that this healing would be painful …I humbly submitted to God that I would walk the path …it is my “valley of death” that I am walking through …not to live in or die here …but to walk through …releasing the infectious thoughts and beliefs that have kept me small and hidden (out of fear) …definitely, “It would be easier to keep playing life without being whole …it is done all the time …but that is not what I choose …

My first session with the a registered clinical psychologist and pastoral therapist is still about 10 days away …I am responsible for my own life and have been experimenting with spiritual practices to find what works for me …EFT tapping helps with anxiety …many people swear by its weight loss attributes … I haven’t gone that far with it yet definitely helps in several ways for me…

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

EFT Tapping has been used successfully in PTSD survivors … a lot like acupuncture without the needles …EFT uses fingertip tapping to apply pressure to the meridian points …points in our body which the Chinese believe that our energy flows through …

There are several steps …but the one that spoke to me first was the “setup phrase”… a common setup phrase is: “Even though I have this [fear or problem], I deeply and completely accept myself.” …affirmations are about what we want to become … not acknowledging where we are and loving ourselves in spite of those imperfections …

So much of my issues stem from not knowing how to love myself …something I never learned as a child to do …that statement I deeply and completely accept myself” along is very healing …self-acceptance even when I am not that “perfect” version of myself I feel I need to be to be accepted and loved …EFT tapping has worked for me in shorting the overload of anxiety when I use it …

Learning to heal the inner child …is my biggest challenge …. “adulting” is not something I really learned to do well …I had no role models …and my parents were unable to provide the knowledge I needed to navigate the world due to their own traumas …and being kept secluded in the cult” gave me no other options to come across any …

“When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.” ― Jess C. Scott

Today I completed a YouTube Video Yoga for trauma healing …a gentle yoga not focused on hard poses to master …a way to safely connect with my body …slowly starting to release the lower vibrational energy that I have stored in my body …helpfully liberating tension

That is how I view the extra weight that I carry with me …a lower vibrational energy that I stored with every bite of food that I used to stuff anger, hurt, fear and all the other negative emotions and feelings that food helped me to manage in a more societal acceptable way …

“The fact is, all of us are living with the invisible wounds of some kind of war. Yoga helps you to let go of the things that don’t serve you anymore.”
Dan Nevins, yoga ambassador and US Army veteran

Tomorrow will be a new day …new hope …a gift to be opened with grace and gratefulness …this is not the end, only the beginning…there is a reason that I wear a butterfly tattoo🦋

Across the miles ..I send you love…with prayers for all the laughter and magic you can hold❣

Atomic Habits…

Atomic Habits…a book written by James Clear is one of the best books that I have read on the importance of tiny habits making a dramatic difference in our lives…

I saw my dietician last Friday…three days ago…I had gained some since I first saw her in February…but now I am in a different place…more aware of the emotional components in this process…I am so proud of myself.. I started the program the next day…not waiting and gorging all weekend till Monday morning…which is a first for me (a very good sign)

She has a different approach than I have been programmed to believe is the answer…she believes in a lifestyle of healthy eating…not a dieting mindset…Focusing on behavior…not just on diet…

Taking the time to make permanent changes to lifestyle…wanting to use the meal plan guide towards change…on practical lifestyle changes…Focusing on one thing at a time…identifying old habits and substituting new habits…aiming to follow the plan 80% of the time (the old 80/20 Rule)

“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time.”

― James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

To lose weight at approximately +/- 1 kg (2.2 lbs.) a week…my Total Average Energy Prescription (for my Height/Bone Mass etc. is 4,500 Kj (it is still difficult thinking in metric versus imperial) 🤔

Daily Portion Distribution:

  • Carbohydrate (Starches) (4)
  • Protein (7)
  • Fat (4)
  • Fruit (1)
  • Vegetables (at least 3-5) Most vegetables are ‘free’ food items and should fill 1/2 the plate

Non diet goals is to try and exercise at mínimum 3 times a week …choosing something that I enjoy and is sustainable…

Back to learning how to navigate life all over again…the spiritual, physical, and mental without overwhelming myself in small sustainable steps…I’m not very good at that…the changing life gradually and in an integrated style…but, heah…I’ve tried everything else…and what’s the definition of insanity😂…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…

I have a goal…to traverse the mountain and reach the healthy goal of being at my optimum weight for me…but now I must develop the system that will take me there…

A lot of people want to lose weight (the same goal) …but the ones that achieve that goal are the ones that are consistent with their system…daily habits with small consistent improvements…the Japanese have a word for this “Kaizen”…”change for the better” or “continuous improvement”…

Today, I exercised…but only 10 minutes of yoga and 15 minutes (1 mile) of walking…that’s one system that I want to be consistent in…it makes my day so much better when I begin the morning with movement…

What system do you need to develop to meet your goal…to cross your mountain? May I suggest…read James Clear’s book or at least the summary…it’s lifechanging…or it was for me…

Lots of Love. Laughter and Magic for your day❣

Conversations…My Dragon & I

“Don’t fight your demons. Your demons are here to teach you lessons. Sit down with your demons and have a drink and a chat and learn their names and talk about the burns on their fingers and scratches on their ankles. Some of them are very nice.”

Charles Bukowski

Making peace with one’s self is so much easier than making war…well, maybe not easier but less bloody…Incredibly adverse to the hatred that it takes to kill something…even the thought of killing something within myself was abhorrent…

So how to reframe it all… losing weight…which is letting all the trapped trauma go…self-sabotaging…self-hatred…to lose weight without limited massive willpower… and keep it off means changing something deep within myself…so here I am taking the time to talk to my big personal dragon of self-sabotage…why does he decide to burn down every attempt to cross this mountain…

My Protector and I

It made no sense when I was so confident that this was the time… Determination was at an optimum level…I was going to conquer the mountain of weight loss come hell or high water…becoming healthier, more confident, and happier…and then I quit…BLOP…sat right now and quit…doing the same thing over and over gets exhausting…

During introspection, I realized that I had been in a situation that triggered all of my fears of being “not safe”…being “pretty” when I was younger brought attention that was dangerous and hurtful…the fear (Fear is a powerful, deeply wired reaction that is designed to keep us safe from perceived threats) of being taken advantage of again caused the “inner child” to freak out again…huge anxiety…

There are several reasons (smaller dragons) that have caused me to sabotage my weight loss…feeding worry and anxiety… a way to soothe, rewarding myself and suppressing feelings…but the biggest one is fear in all its incredible glorious form…

Recognizing it is the first step…the fear is irrational…I am in a safe place with a man that loves me for who I am… understands and is supportive of where I’m at…acknowledgement has been a good beginning…I have started talking with a therapist and we’ll see where that leads and if it is helpful…

The trauma of when I was younger apparently was horrible enough that my self-protection has blocked my memory of most of my life between the ages of 5 and 18…our brains are such beautiful… I don’t know if I even need to remember or if I ever will…and that’s ok…I have forgiven and I am no longer a victim…my focus is staying mindful and being in the moment…”sucking the juice out of every moment that I am blessed with”…

Now it is taking one step at a time…loving myself and the dragon that I live with seems to be a smart step right now…gently acknowledging the fear and learning to love myself…

Daily self-love is being gentle with myself…focusing on doing at least one productive thing per day that I can do towards my goal…living the fact that being healthy makes me less vulnerable, not more…

Helpful Book-The Mountain

This week I have been Intermittent Fasting 16/8…it’s easy and I enjoy the feeling of not being weighed down with food or worrying about what to eat…even though there are periods of hunger…I have made an appointment with my nutritionist for Friday…I will meet with her once a week for support…

Making friends with my dragon so we can learn to fly together …my dragon and I

Much love, laughter, and magic for your day❣

135 Days…

Back home from a cold and rainy forest holiday in Hogsback (strange name with unknown origin)…supposedly the place that inspired JRR Tolkien… nestled in the Amatola Mountain range and housing the oldest forest in South Africa…

With no wi-fi or internet…you can lose yourself in the pure magic…the earthy smells and fragrances of the natural world triggering old memories, and creating new ones…the heavy, heady smell of damp forest…

It sits on your shoulder and seeps into your senses… excited to see the colors and smell of …I am missing the crisp air and the vibrate reds, and oranges so beautifully mixed with muted shades of yellow and brown…such a kaleidoscope of color…my heart sang…and I still reel with the beauty that is just too exquisite to be able to find the right words…

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.” ~Unknown

An apt quote for the mission that I am on to let go of the unhealthy part of myself…physically and mentally…

A celebration before we left…for Mr. P’s birthday at a restaurant called Natti’s Thai Kitchen

Why can I never remember the effects of food and drink that are so detrimental to me…in the suspended moments of enjoyment with great friends and wonderful food…there was definitely too much alcohol imbibed by me…

I don’t normally drink alcohol…but it difficult for me in a social situation to abstain totally…normally one glass is sufficient…but that night everyone brought alcohol…gin and several bottles of wine…after one…it was too easy to allow my glass to keep being filled…

A fact of life…our bodies weaken with age…and I am working harder at trying to find a happy and healthy balance…drinking more than an occasional glass of wine is not on the list any more…but I get caught up in the frivolity and joy…I wasn’t prepared for the situation…

With being highly sensitive…the next day I reaped the effects…hormonal imbalance…depression is the worst…teary eyed…extra sensitive to every word that was spoken to me…morose and definitely not motivated to do anything…

At least I realized what was happening…and there is not much that I can do, except wait it out…but it always feels like a wasted day…miserable…you would think it would be a huge red flag…memory is so not reliable sometimes…

Difficult to eat correctly and track…motivate myself to exercise…all the routines that provide optimum living for me…Didn’t really have time to dwell on it much…getting ready to leave for Hogsback…such a needed break…

I ground in Nature…it is the most healing place that I can be…and the forest is probably the number 1 place that I love to just get lost in…wrapped in the soothing arms of Mother Earth…Stepping into a forest is like walking through a gate…I can release all the fuss and stress behind…to be greeted with peace and fragrant nature.

I didn’t track and was worried that I would gain weight…but the 80/20 rule applied…stress is outlawed during breaks from “real” life…we walked… hiked…over 10,000 steps per day…up and down…carrying photographic equipment…

Didn’t learn my lesson…Gin Tasting for me…

Don’t you just love the hat🤣

Was it worth it…I came back with a 2 lb. loss…so in that respect…it did not hurt my progress…but I don’t enjoy the punishment that ensues… my feelings of peace and happiness…

I made a choice…I don’t think I’ll be a teetotaler… but limiting myself to ONE drink is doable…there were other choices that hung on the coattails of that one…choosing to give up processed wheat and sugar…for a couple of weeks to confirm if my sensitivities are affected… there are a few studies that show that refined sugar and wheat have a drug-effect on the brain…

It worked when I lost the initial fifty pounds…but I didn’t eat fruit…because even natural sugars can sometimes cause my insulin to go wonky and I get hungry and hangry…and there goes the program…

Just one day at a time…for me it is difficult right now…carbs are my absolute fav…and I really resist the thought that it is imperative for me to be healthy…”If you resist giving up certain foods it is likely you’re addicted or intolerant to them”…and I cringe…clench my jaws…become very irritated at the thought…hmmm

I’m on my third day…just taking one day at a time…I’ll let you know how it goes…

Finally…three years later…wild baboons running wild in town
Rain Soaked…

Have a Magical Day warmed with Love❣

Vroom.. Vroom

Like a souped-up car at the starting lineup of an illicit street race…a little more battered and poorly maintained than most of the participants in the contest of losing weight…but here I am…gunning my engine…

Ok…it’s more like turtling along …a nostalgic cruising with the oldies…

It took me awhile to get to the starting lineup this time…keep making a wrong turn…getting caught in dead ends or facing a brick wall…needing to back up, turn around and try another route…my map was quite out of date apparently…

Here is the map that I am using to find the that I am seeking…a healthy mental and physical body that I feel confident in and my added desired benefit… An age-appropriate black dress sexy …

SMART GOALS

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound.

Why? Why is this important to me …especially when some people in retirement are ready for the sideline rocking chair…Because I AM NOT…I just found my Prince and want to spend as much quality time exploring life with him…being an example to my granddaughters…being able to pursue my passion of photography (getting flat on the ground to take unique perspectives with my camera is easier with a healthy and flexible body)…each pound lost removes 4 pounds of pressure off my poor grumpy back…and knees…and most importantly…brain health “a person’s weight goes up, all regions of the brain go down in activity and blood flow” …”This study shows that being overweight or obese seriously impacts brain activity and increases the risk for Alzheimer’s disease as well as many other psychiatric and cognitive conditions,”

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/08/200805110127.htm#:~:text=on%20brain%20function-,Higher%20BMI%20is%20linked%20to%20decreased%20cerebral%20blood%20flow%2C%20which,Alzheimer’s%20disease%20and%20mental%20illness&text=Summary%3A,a%20new%20brain%20imaging

I had been on anti-depressants for a period for time when I was faced with dealing with my husband’s cancer surgery and chemotherapy during Covid in a new country…slowly coming off took about 4 months… and this week I am back to feeling like myself…the good, bad, and ugly😁

Found that EFT really is a great support for releasing anxiety that causes emotional eating and the need for wrapping myself up in a blanket of fluff…meditation was a great start…but this seems to be a better fit for me and this sensitivity that I have been blessed with (HSP/INFJ)…

Be Consistent with Logging and Exercising for 146 days (20 weeks)…that’s when we’ll be flying into the USA after being gone for 3+ years…I don’t want to put a specific weight because I do not know exactly how quickly my body is willing to release the curvaceous aspects of itself…

“Do it again and again. Consistency makes the raindrops to create holes in the rock. Whatever is difficult can be done easily with regular attendance, attention and action.”

Israelmore Ayivor, ‘The Great Hand Book Of Quotes’.

Tracking weight in Fitbit every Monday and daily logging in MFP Food Dairy I use Fitbit for logging weight because it is connected to my scale and I like other features such as my sleep score…but for some reason it is easier to record my food intake with My Fitness Pal

Goal of 1365 calories 80% of the time…I want to be mindful without being obsessive…more fruits and vegetables…less sugar and refined carbs…I feel so much better when I eat this way…

Walking 5x a week…gym twice a week…for me that’s achievable…my goal steps per day is minimum 5,000 to 10,000…

I commit to being accountable for the 146 days…and will review at that point what my long term goals will be…so for the next 146 days I will post daily in this blog…what I ate before and my exercise log…and how I am sputtering along

…And here we go

Much love and laughter for your day…sprinkled with magic

144 Days…Gym Day

Gym Rule #1: If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most.” – Jason Love

That is how I felt yesterday. It had been awhile since I had hit the gym …yesterday the gym hit me right back for being absent😂

I have been out of commission with a grumpy lower back…an hour of weight machines was probably a little much…came back home and had to go and comfort my grumbling back.by laying down…I had planned to go for a walk to at least get 5,000 steps on a gym day…but as you see that didn’t happen…something to keep working on…

“The most annoying are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym. I’m like ‘What are you doing here? You’re done.'” – Jim Gaffigan

Way to many carbs…my resting heartrate always increases with extra carbs…today it went increased a beat…back up to 68…not stressing…just monitoring…the goal was accomplished of eating less than I used…I’ll just keep fine tuning…

The nutritionist told me that stress is harmful to weight loss… “When you’re under stress, your body boosts production of the hormone cortisol. Chronic stress and persistently high cortisol levels may be associated with increased appetite and weight gain.“…another reason that EFT is helpful for me…

Steps for the Day

Keep Turtling…

Days Until…143

🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢…Turtling Along

It does take about an hour a day to get 10,000 steps…30 minutes in the morning exercise video…Leslie Sansone 2 mile Walking video on Youtube (Free) AND 30 minutes in the afternoon…walking the dog when weather permits…love being outside…breathing the fresh air…

That’s how I’m changing my mindset. Dieting based on willpower DOES NOT work long-term…Learning to “love” more vegetables…definitely a work in progress…yesterday made mashed potatoes out of half pumpkin and half potato…a little more palatable…changing my taste buds to enjoy healthy foods takes time…but it does happen…I loved my Diet Coke…but after giving it up and leaving it alone…when I tried it again…it tasted “nasty”…so that gives me hope…

❣Love, Laughter and Magic…🐢