Burning to Emerge…

When I started writing about my “climb up the mountain” of weight loss…there was nowhere in my wildest and crazy thought processes that I could envision where it would take me on my soul’s journey…

 “Don’t hoard the past. Don’t cherish anything. Burn it. The artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge.” – Janet Fitch.

This segment of the path is not completed…yet, I have come further than I would have imagined in a short about of time…

Tears have fallen like a molten lead flame…rising from a broken heart…sliding from beneath my eyelids…the soul rendering grief as I whimpered…sobbed convulsively…moaned…and cried seemingly endless tears…the agony of grieving hurts like hell as the saltwater of tears burns through the wounds… burning past chapters of my life…some I have saved and hold tight within my memories…most I am burning and letting go…“Even a spineless arthropod sheds what’s no longer useful and leaves it behind them. Are you not greater than they?” ― Jason Versey

 “Darling, you’re not falling apart. You’re getting rid of the pieces that no longer serve your purpose, this is a surgery of the spirit, and it can be painful as hell.”

Kalen Dion.

Excess weight has been a survival mechanism that I needed…and I find myself still “eating” as a means of grounding myself when the world “feels” overwhelming…why?

Being an empath is difficult and has often felt like a curse, more than a blessing…how do I explain what an empath is…it has become a more commonly accepted way of being…so much that neuroscientists and psychologists now accept and use the term…

“The term ‘Empath’ has become popular in recent years, often used to describe someone with a higher-than-normal degree of empathy. Empaths absorb others’ energy to the point where they feel like an ‘emotional sponge’. They do not have the filters most people do, and they seem to feel other people’s stress and feelings in their own bodies”https://eggshelltherapy.com/empath/

Probably brought on due to the trauma of my childhood wounding and “growing-up” years…it became a survival mechanism that I needed to have to tune in to how my narcissistic parent (which is also caused by his own childhood wound) was feeling so I could do what I needed to be “safe”… Being empathic makes it easier to notice other people’s emotions, thoughts, and feelings

I didn’t understand what was happening and as life progressed and I continued to draw narcissistic people into my life…the emotional load became too much…I always felt overwhelmed and not grounded in my own body….the food that I have craved…are heavier vibrationally dense…foods and drinks that are processed and lost all of their natural energy…alcohol, caffeine, dairy products, GMO foods like corn or soy, soft drinks, beverages with added sugar, wheat and products containing gluten, unhealthy fats and oils…the added weight adding an additional benefit …serving also as an added blanket of protection…both physically and emotionally…

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”
― Anthon St. Maarten

So, what’s next on this journey…definitely continued healing…releasing the outdated offensive energy blocks (the pain and hurt) that I carried for years…and filling those empty spaces with more love…learning how to serve as an empath without losing my own identity…it is a process that I must be patient with and love myself through…

I had my first meeting with a psychologist last week to help guide me in this continuing expedition up the mountain…the first meeting was more about mapping out the journey of my life up until now …I was blessed to connect to the right one for me…her suggested reading was The Source written by a South African Tara Swart…“a neuroscientist and MIT lecturer that shows how science supports the Law of Attraction as a tool for discovering the authentic self”…

How synchronicitous is that…it is a rather exciting process for me…like the cage doors are opening and I can finally be free…do you have any idea of what even the thought of freedom means for the Aquarian freedom loving person🤣…like air…necessary

I haven’t lost any weight yet …but it really is ok…I will as I learn new skills to cope…and I know that my optimum weight is about 130…I have so many exciting things to look forward to…and losing the weight is just a fraction of the blessings that I am in anticipation of…

I choose to share the journey to be brave and bold …to view my scars is to know you are not alone …much love, joy, and magic for your day❣

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

 Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

There is a new story that will be written from the ashes of the old…

The Fork in The Road For the Empaths

Dear Empathic Soul

It is terribly challenging

to live with little or no filter;

To hear every drop of tears from near and far away;

To see human and non-human expressions of sorrow;

To every day have the world’s pain piercing through you;

To sensing the lies and hypocrisies when others don’t;

To feel trapped in your heightened sensitivity and perception.

At some point, you reached a fork in the road

where you had to decide:

Either to stay here with us, in this imperfect world, or you float up, dissociate, and leave.

I bet you have tried them all:

The spiritual bypassing, the closing down, the tuning out, the numbing using addictions, or dulling through drugs.

The desert offered transient tranquillity, but eventually led you down a path of emptiness, deep aloneness, meaninglessness and eventually,


Boredom is a result of fear—

It was all too edgy to sit with, so you left.

As you withdraw from the heartache, you also leave behind your hope and love.

At some point, you will reach another fork in the road

where you have to decide:

To stay, or to leave.

A yes or a no to the marriage with life.

The key to moving forward is ‘commitment’;

You either commit to being a part of humanity, or you divorce yourself from it all.

You might have thought that you were too weak, too porous, too soft

for such a commitment.

Yet something magical happens when you say ‘I do.’

The words clear your path, the intention gives you strengths.

How does this work?

By committing to staying with the world, you must also live with other people’s limitations and dysfunctions.

Then, you come face to face with your shadows and your own dysfunctional parts.

Your heart softens, and you learn the art of unconditional love and acceptance of yourself and others.

By committing to cohabiting a space with others, you deal with the daily irritants, inconvenience, and transgressions.

In doing so, you come to embrace life for what it is, rather than constantly trying to change it to the way you want it.

Eventually, you become strong.

With all the terrors comes glory.

As your commitment to the world ripens, it rewards you with richness, joy and strength.

So you were born an empath.

Where do you go from here?

Do you rise to the occasion, yield to the path that you were given,

let it shape you, and allow Life to use you as a vessel,

Or do you hide, shrink, and leave?

Ultimately, you root to rise

not because it is moral, or even particularly honourable,

But because it is the only way to go.


Going Back Down…

The most wonderful day…November 28, 2021…it was a day that was enchanting and magical…everything I always dreamed of…my own personal King Arthur chose me as his Queen💓…

I left my base camp on journey to my personal Mt. Everest…not only did I leave the base camp…but got on a plane and left the continent…

There was the most fabulous pre-wedding family celebration with the love, incredible food and all the liquid happiness that I could imbibe…should I mention the lemon cheesecake and chocolate mousse cake…the slippery slope…the rabbit hole…I didn’t even need to walk down…just slide all the way downhill in one quick “swoosh”…

Family Braii Celebration

I would not have changed one second of the next few days…most people it would have just been a delightful evening…as an HSP it was overstimulating and overwhelming…alcohol and food always helps the sensory overload…which is why I am here facing this mountain in the first place …all the time I can remember I have coped with overstimulation and high sensitivity…food as the main addictive substance that I have used for soothing and self-protection…but not the only tranquilizing I have used in the past…plenty of unhealthy methods and behaviors to salve the “uncomfortableness” of life…

  • When I am overwhelmed by emotions (whether mine or others)
    • I am in emotional pain and feel frustrated, anxious, or depressed
    • My feelings are hurt
    • I feel uncomfortable in my own skin
    • I feel emotionally unsafe
    • I feel criticized, blamed, or rejected
    • I am isolating and need confidence
    • I am tired and need an energy boost
    • I want to escape and shut out the world

Addictions are a high price to pay for dealing with sensory overload and I have done so much better in my current place of safety, peace, and calm…as Empaths and HSP’s we live in this constant state of vulnerability and often are at the mercy of the daily circumstances of life…in the constant barrage of stimuli we are unable to find the peace and quiet that is necessary for our lives…

Without the tools to navigate the bombardment…we often succumb to the maladaptive coping mechanisms of the “pleasure fix” (the slightly nicer sounding word for addiction) of our choice…sugar √, caffeine√, nicotine, or a behavior like overeating√, shopping√, gambling, watching TV for hours √, internet surfing√ or video gaming, risky behavior, checking out our phones constantly√, exercise addiction, and social media addiction…until we slide down that dark, gloomy, depressing hole of “suck”…

Childhood trauma and/or negative experiences also plays a part in some addictions…physically creating some anomalies in the growing brain that may result in cognitive, behavioral, and social impairments…I sure am glad our brains have neuroplasticity…

¡¡¡No excuses!!! …but a view of the building of my mountain through the lens of my past…

I have studied science, spirituality, read hundreds, maybe thousands of books on self-improvement, psychotherapy, therapists, and any other method of recovery that I came across on this journey of self-knowledge and healing for the last millennium…well, maybe not that long… but a least most of my life…

Feeling proud by Unknown Author | Proud of myself quotes, Go for it quotes,  Simple reminders

I have come a long way…and I am enormously proud of every knot in the tapestry of my life…every crack…every scar…there is still much to experience… life is a fantastic continuous journey of learning and growing…

The mountain is still in front of me…waiting to be scaled…to be conquered…there is a life to be lived on the other side…although there are no guarantees…whatever I can do to extend the longevity and enjoyment of my remaining life is important to me…now that I found my sweetest Mr. P… we have adventures to seek…and a shared life to savor…I have a novel to write and fine art photographs to create…family and friends to embrace…

What is the plan forward…a good question is what I need to do differently than I’ve done before…

Day 01

Heading Back to Base Camp

Day 01 – Today I fast to give my body a rest…reset and detox…luckily for Mr. P he’s on a business trip and won’t need to deal with any grumpiness…so it’s lots of water and whatever it takes to get through the day without eating…

There is a beautiful view and ecstatically happy emotions to be experienced at the top…but it is in the journey that I will be most content…

“It is not the mountain that we conquer, but ourselves.”…

Sir Edmund Hillary
50 Best Mountain Quotes for Instagram Captions

Much happiness, love, and magic for your day and life…Renée

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