Day 235… Should I or Shouldn’t I

“The best part of the journey is the surprise and wonder along the way.”
― Ken Poirot

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My All Time Favorite Quote

The adventures of our life come because of the unknown…not knowing what the future will be…the key to enjoying those adventures is being open to that misty uncharted land…unleashing the fetters of the routine and the safety net of our habitual lives…

I had a choice…fear the worst and live in regret for not taking a chance or embrace the joy and curiosity of the possible…

What was the basis of my fear?…why do our minds and thoughts always take the dark road…why do we tend to always believe the worst…our decisions should never be made based on fear…

I had thoroughly enjoyed our correspondence…so much so, that we never missed a day of talking to each other in some way, shape or form…he had shown a large percentage of characteristics of a man that I felt was important in a relationship of my choosing…but there were certain flags that I believed had merit…

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But what if…my fears were correct…what if we meet and we weren’t compatible or enjoyed each other’s company…after all…we were from different cultures…grew up in opposing family lifestyles…we were from different social backgrounds…and communicating for 30 minutes in a one-sided conversation is so far from sitting across a table and having a heart-to-heart dialogue…

I do know that I am different from the mainstream woman…I have not lived a conventional life…I do appreciate who I have come to be through the myriad circumstances and environments of my life…and I really do love who I am…but I have never in all of my 60+ years found a man that fit well with this eclectic mixture of womanhood…

Age 30…more or less
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When I am in this type of conundrum…I ask myself “what is the worst case scenario” and “how would I handle it?…

The truth was if I didn’t meet with him…I could potentially lose this relationship anyway…the possibility was intriguing…and worst case scenario we would have an interesting 10 days together…

Mr. P traveled to the US every year for a convention and the time was drawing near…a decision needed to be made…no more waffling…

I did…in hindsight…it was the best decisions in my life and definitely one that I will never regret..no matter what the future may hold…

“So. Tell me. What do you think? Which is better? To take action and perhaps make a fatal mistake – or to take no action and die slowly anyway?”
― Ahdaf Soueif, The Map of Love

It was decided to meet in Atlanta, Georgia…and on February 2, 2019 I left the small city of Scottsburg, Indiana to start the most life changing journey of my life…to find a miracle…find the magic of love

“The friendship I have had in my heart for you has ripened into a deeper feeling, a feeling more beautiful, more pure, more sacred. Dare I name it you? Ah! It is love which makes me so bold!” — Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

…wishing you magic, laughter and most of all love…

Day 232…The Heart Has No Wrinkles

…it is never to late to find your “Happily ever after”…

On March 8th, 2020…Mr. P and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary… of when we first met across 2,000 miles of oceans and space…and I was 62

After several disastrous failed relationships…and thousands of encounters on just as many dating sites (OK, an exaggeration…but that was what it felt like)…off and on over decades (and that is not an exaggeration)…I had lost hope of love…I was trying to learn the art of contentment with the company of self…and just be grateful and relish the myriad number of blessings in my life…

…and then at the most unexpected time and with a most unexpected person…

…living in a sparsely populated country community…although full of lovely members…was not chock full of eligible bachelors that met my extremely prohibitive list of requirements…

“She always thought she needed someone to love when all she really needed to do was love the world and let love find her in its time and in its way.”― Kate McGahan

Whether good or bad…I had learned enough about what was important and even necessary in a companion for me…I wasn’t desperate to settle with just anyone…just for the sake of being in a relationship…I had gotten to the point of “I would rather be alone”…than settling for “less than” what my heart felt it needed and/or wanted…and although it had turned out badly…I had experienced “love” in my innocence…

In my ever thirsty seeking of adventure and knowledge of the world…I joined a PenPal site..hey…just for the heck of it…and one day…I had a message from a man from South Africa wanting to exchange photographs…he was such a gentleman also…not like most of the men that had answered my post…He offered to help me put my photo right side up apparently my photo was laying on it’s side…now who could turn that down…

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He liked my Alaska photos…and he was a pilot who had taken some stunning photos also…so the adventure began…

It did not ever cross my mind that it would lead to anything more than a casual exchange of emails and photos…after all he was half a world away…so he was a “safe” encounter…later I find out that apparently his ideas of what was happening was very different from mine…

The correspondence went on for several months and we slowly revealed a little more about ourselves…our conversations became a little deeper…he was experiencing some life events that I had already lived through…and hopefully my “coming through to the other side” might be encouraging…

With no pressure…and no expectations…it was effortless to be open and genuine…over the following months…I started to “like” this fascinating person that I call Mr. P…he was intelligent and could carry on interesting conversations on diverse subjects (a primary requisite)…and on top of that…he was emotionally intelligent…

He was cultured and traveled…a love of adventure was also on the list

He had goals and ambitions…not waiting to sit in a rocking chair or fishing boat…or spend hours in front of the TV (although a couple of hours watching science videos is a totally different matter)…

He was a man prone to faithfulness in a relationship…he had been married for 30 years…had moral integrity…a big NO. 1 after my history…

And he believed in God…although our views about how the world was created and other religious/spiritual beliefs are different…we respect and even debate each other’s suppositions (I fear that he is winning)…

So now what..

…after approximately 8 months of transitioning from email correspondence to constant lengthy voice memos and numerous daily What’s App messages…he wanted to come and meet me…OMG!!!!…No way…no how…

How to ruin the perfectly fantastical and exhilarating friendship…meet up…

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”
― Robert Fulghum, True Love

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